What happens when a situation completely knocks you off your feet?
What do you do?
Do you shut down?
Do you hate life?
Do you punish others for your own pain?
Well, I was blindsided this week. Information I was not expecting hit me like a ton of bricks. The wind was knocked out of me and I wanted to scream.
But I couldn't, I have a family... a husband and three kids as well as a couple hundred teen girls on facebook.... all who count on me to be available to them when they need me.
I couldn't shut down.
I can't run away.
I can't HATE everyone.
And I won't punish other people for my pain.
But, much of the way I dealt with (and am still dealing with) this situation is because I am an adult and I have learned to put others before myself. This is not something that comes natural to a teen so this is where you and I are different.
I think I can say this without offending you, because if you have been reading this blog long enough you know that teen girls are my passion, you are what I love.... but teen girls are typically VERY selfish!
For one minute I want you to put yourself in your mom's shoes and imagine what YOUR life would look like if she were selfish. Think of all the things she does for you, the things she gives up for you, the time she spends running you here and there, the places she takes you and your friends, etc.
Can you imagine what YOUR life would look like if she were selfish?
It has been a couple days since I was punched in the gut by this information I was not expecting. But my life can't stop - I can't be selfish. It takes too much time to be selfish. I had 23 girls in my house for a workshop on Sunday and friends and parties to have and take my children to over the last couple days. As an adult, I can take a troubling situation and put it away for a bit so I can still enjoy the life that will continue to go on around me. I have to or I would crumble. But this is a "talent" that comes with practice. I couldn't always do this. No one TAUGHT me this - it was just something that I had to learn on my own - it's my own special way of coping.
I don't keep the situation in the back of my mind forever - these kinds of things need to be dealt with or they will fester and eat away at every part of your life. But I am the one who chooses when I take it out to deal with it. For me, that usually means when my kids are in bed and my husband and I have some quiet time - then I let it all out and start processing it.
As a teen, you need to start realizing that the NEXT stage in your life is adulthood so you need to practice a little. Right? Practicing is what makes us good at something. You need to practice what does not come naturally.
You also need a plan. You need to know what you need to do to start healing. Is there someone you need to separate yourself from? Is there someone you need to vent to about their actions? Do you need to ask for forgiveness? Do you need to confess something?
When you are blindsided, like I was this week, you need to do the following things:
- give yourself some space to take in the information/situation
- journal all your thoughts and feelings - write it ALL down - yes, ALL OF IT!
- realize that there is a process of healing and get ready for some ups and downs and you deal with the hurt
- practice turning OFF the situation in your mind and enjoy life moment by moment
- make sure you give yourself some quiet time EVERY day to write/cry/talk about the situation
- talk to an adult so they can help you prioritize your plan
It's awful and you wanna just crawl into a ball and die.
I have been there.
But there is hope - and that HOPE starts with YOU!