Bullying!... it's Journal Entry Friday!

THE GOAL OF A BULLY IS TO BREAK YOU!
...to break your spirit
...to shatter your self-confidence.
...to break the image in your mind of who you are.
...to chip away at the strength you have to one day be the best YOU you can be.
...to overpower you to make themselves feel better.
...to pull you down so low that they will be above you.

But the truth of the matter is - bullies are the lowest on humanity's totem pole
Their bellies touch the ground.
You can't get lower than  that.

ALWAYS WALK AWAY!
No matter what they will say about you after you leave.
You know who you are.
You know you have what is missing from their lives.
You know by walking away you are stronger than they will ever be.

Pray for their pain to cease so they can see the beauty the hate keeps them from finding.

Write a letter to a bully who has targeted you.
He/she will never see this letter.
But your words will bless you and take the edge off the pain they have caused.

Tell them why their hate won't scathe you anymore...
Explain to them what your life has that makes it easy to walk away from them...

Write a letter to yourself and praise the beautiful young woman you are!
Give yourself compliments you may never have heard.
Highlight the things that bring beauty into your life.
Celebrate that beauty!

I know many of you are hurting everyday b/c of the words or actions by another teen. I know it hurts.

But just remember:

"The days will come when you don't have the strength

When all you hear is you're not worth anything

Wondering if you ever could be loved

And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
You're beautiful You're beautiful

You are made so much more than all of this..."
~MercyMe

Here's your journal page:

I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU AND I KNOW YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

SKUNKS - they just spread the stink!

So, I have been thinking alot about SKUNKS.

Yuk!

I don't dislike the skunks, I guess.

But I do hate their STINK!

Here's the thing with SKUNKS:

• they are carnivores - out for blood
• they are sneaky and only lurk in the shadows - They simply aren't a very brave species because you rarely see them out from under a safe cover and when you do, they are running to hide behind something else
• when threatened the SPRAY - a small amount goes a long way, their negative stench can be smelled for miles and can reach farther in a short amount of time than they could go on foot
• they are the chief carrier of rabies - They are quick spread disease among their kind as well as other species who cross their paths
• they have these really nasty sharp claws that they use to dig - They can find things below the surface by digging deeper than most species would care to take the time to do
• they are loners - they can "coexist" with other carnivores but rarely allow themselves "close" to others of their kind or other species
• we ignore them - we stay out of their way and we don't get sprayed, right?

So, you are asking.... why the conversation about SKUNKS?!

Think about the last person who said something unkind to you that was just UNCALLED FOR... SKUNK!

Think about that comment posted on your facebook that hurt.... SKUNK!

Think about the girl in school who always has a negative comment about other people... SKUNK!

Now, go back and re-read the description of SKUNKS and put those people in your mind in place of a furry little animal.

I have thought about this for a long time...

People who put others down, make fun of people, bully, etc are PUBLICLY ADMITTING that they have low self esteem.

They might as well have a shirt made:

So, when these kinds of people cross your path - although it is sad to watch them head down a dangerous path - sometimes it is best to just head the other way. Ignore. Look away. Avoid. Just like you would if they had a long black and white tail and a REALLY stinky BUTT!

So, this has me thinking:

Could we change the way we think about people who bully? What if we actually started to SEE their actions as a cry for help? Instead of seeing them as strong - their actions prove that they are weak - so, what if that's how we started to see them?

I am NOT suggesting that the rest of us start feeling SUPERIOR! I am just wondering if the bullies realized that their actions were alerting people that THEY THEMSELVES are INSECURE - maybe they would stop.

Maybe if more people knew that bullying was actually a clinical symptom of depression (this is true!), the kids who bully would get help quicker and before the problem got worse. Before they hurt someone or themselves. Maybe the bullies wouldn't act out if they knew WE knew what those actions were saying about the state of mind they were in.

So, this logo needs an acronym - what could the letters S.K.U.N.K stand for that would get this point across in a respectful yet creative way?

CONTEST!

The person who comes up with the BEST acronym wins THE FIRST T-SHIRT of its kind with YOUR acronym on it!

Send your entries in the comments section!

Be Beautiful

Happy Tuesday!
You are BEAUTIFUL!

Spill it! ... It's Journal Entry Friday!

We had a great conversation over on "the gathering" yesterday concerning what girls do to each other. So, it would make sense that today we journal on the same subject.

If you did not read the post from yesterday, please go check it out - it will make you think and you will get more out of the journaling you do today.

This assignment will be simple in explanation but could take you all day... a couple of days... the rest of the summer to complete - depending on how you choose to digest it.

First, I want you to find a quiet place with your journal. I want you to get comfortable, close your eyes and clear your mind. Now, I want you to run through the girls who influence your life... friends, not-so-much-friends, acquaintances, teammates, siblings, etc. Just let their faces run through your mind like you are flipping through a photo book...

Second, I want you to jot down the names of the girls who showed up in your mind's photo book first... let's say you make a list of 10 to start... you can add names as you go along, but let's start with 10.

Third, look over the names you jotted down and choose the one that pops off the page first. Maybe this name pops off the page because she is your most loyal friend or maybe one of those names jumps out at you because of what you are going through with that girl. Take that name and start a new page by writing her name at the top.

Fourth, SPILL IT! Start writing EVERYTHING that is in your mind and your heart right this minute as you focus on the mental picture of your relationship with this girl. Just write. Don't stop. Don't edit. This is NOT for her... this is for YOU... ONLY! When you are finished, cross that person's name off the list.

Fifth, move onto the next name that pops off the page. Repeat Step 4.

This will be quite emotional for some of those names on your list. You may need a break after just a couple names. Some of you may need a break after the first one. But I urge you to finish. Don't stop before you have done this exercise for each name on the list - and, yes, your list may grow as you work through each name.

Why take the time to do this?

It is easy to stuff your emotions. When we stuff our emotions we ACT OUT in ways we wouldn't normally out of frustration over emotions we have not dealt with. We can become the MEAN GIRL simply because we have pent up frustration over something trivial and we will never know WHY we "turned" on the girl we once labeled as BFF seemingly without provocation. You deserve to know. SHE deserves to know.

It is also a good idea to get in touch with those deep feelings you have toward your TRUE friends. Those girls who you consider your non-biological sisters are part of who you are and knowing your deepest feelings about them helps to strengthen your relationship.

Some of what you write you may deem worthy of sharing with some of the girls on your list. Of course, this is when you edit and re-write. I hope you will choose to share these words with those girls in a face-to-face manner... even if you keep your letter with you as a cheat sheet. If she is worth your time to write all you did, she is worth hearing your voice affirm your friendship!

Some of what you write you may choose to destroy as a way of letting go of the frustration that person has caused you. Letting go of these feelings is a way to truly let go of a friendship that is toxic. You can tear, burn, flush these letters and vow to yourself to not look back... let it go for REAL.

This is an exercise that will make you grow, help you deal and bless you beyond anything you could imagine. Suggest this exercise to some of those friends you will be writing to... you may be pleasantly surprised as to what comes your way after they finish their list.

A word of CAUTION: DO NOT share your writing with anyone (or anywhere... no facebook, formspring, texts, etc) other than the person it was written for. Your integrity in this assignment is crucial. If you wouldn't want someone sharing their deepest personal feelings about you with others, then don't do it to someone else.

Save and print the journal page below if you need to:

Comments are always welcome!

Why are GIRLS so mean?

"What girls do to each other is beyond description. No chinese torture comes close." ~ Tori Amos

You call your best friend to tell her your biggest news and before you have a chance to gush, she blurts out, "Jamie told me that you told her that I wasn't your real BFF!" And the insane drama begins... you end up hanging up in tears and you have no idea if she will even speak to you again... sounds familiar?

We are having a LIVE conversation right now over on "the gathering" and girls are spewing why they think there is so much drama between girls.

Apparently, we are finding through our conversation that it is largely related to JEALOUSY!

Ahhh, the big green monster of JEALOUSY! Could someone please just put that thing out of its misery already?

Girls feel the need to say exactly what is on their mind with NO use of any filter... unfortunately what they are not seeing is how UGLY their words and are. It is sad to me to hear about girls who turn on each other almost overnight and it all ends up being over petty things... friendships are such a gift and some girls treat their friends as if they were disposable.

SOME people allow themselves to process their feelings BEFORE blurting them out! That's a good use of a FILTER... we are all human and we all have thoughts we would rather not admit to - it's what you DO with those thoughts that can make you look bad.

Being a teen girl isn't easy. It is downright painful.

"We can all become obsessed with looking better than the next girl and if things go her way instead of yours (guy you like asks her out instead of you) we become jealous and hurt because we don't feel like we're good enough so we become angry and that makes us pick out all the bad things about that person (even if it's not true) and we end up saying things we regret/don't mean." - Elizabeth, 17

So, what are some things you do to keep from hurting your friends when you are feeling bad about yourself?

JOURNAL!!!!! Write it all down, get it all out, deal with your own issues before you make more for someone else! You don't like the way you are feeling on the inside so why would you do that to someone else?

Be honest - does it REALLY make you feel better when you throw someone under the bus? Because it doesn't make you LOOK better. Those actions are UGLY and if you are striving for BEAUTY you have missed the boat by a long shot.

Project yourself ahead 10 years - what kinds of memories do you want to have of your teens? How do you want to remember yourself? Do you want to remember being the friend everyone could rely on or the friend that treated everyone badly to make herself feel better?

Who do you need to apologize to today?

If someone needs to apologize to YOU... put a link to this post on your facebook and see what happens.

Girl drama is just as Tori Amos says, TORTURE!

Don't do it.

It's quite ugly!

Girl POWER... it's Journal Entry Friday (early)

Yesterday at our JUST THE WAY SHE IS event our discussion turned in a direction that I think warranted the good long chat we ended up having. I thought since I didn't post yesterday (because my house was filled with 30-some amazing young ladies) I would post the revelation we had. Then I thought this would be a great journal exercise - but I was so pumped about it, I didn't want to wait until tomorrow to post it - I wanted to give it to you now...today. So, it's Journal Entry Thursday...

There is a thing I like to call GIRL POWER! It's a real thing. It's a phenomenon that is not seen too often these days. It is something worth bringing back. It is the mentality that as women, we are all in this thing called life TOGETHER - not pitted against one another. It is the notion that we are all sisters and should be building each other up, not tearing each other apart.

Yesterday, I said this, "Together as a sisterhood of girls we can lift each other up and bring out each other's inner strengths and beauty." After I said it, I immediately felt the need to elaborate because the whole day was about what the media feeds us and how much of it is LIES.

Mean girls are promoted on TV as strong. They are always the popular girls. The head cheerleader who is dating the quarterback. She is the one all her cronies strive to be like.

It is easy to decide you like the POWER that comes along with making someone feel bad. Some personalities find this kind of power addicting. It only takes one time to crush someone with your words. And for some girls, whether you like to admit it or not, it feels good. The automatically feel bigger and better. Before they know it, they are just what the media created them to be.

The sad part is, they have been deceived. There is NO power in acting like this.

True GIRL POWER is working together as a sisterhood of girls by lifting each other up and bring out each other's inner strengths and beauty.

 

This is how we strengthen our wings so we can fly!

The most painful thing for me to see is the attack mode some girls jump into as soon as they feel they have been wronged. Suddenly the girl you divulged your deepest secrets to has now decided that something you did warrants her gathering some other girls from your circle, telling them HER side of the story and creating an opposing team. Girls! This is NOT how it works! These actions show your immaturity, NOT your strength. These actions have ramifications you are NOT ready for. These actions turn you into a MEAN GIRL! Is that the label you want?

One of my favorite quotes is, "Be the friend you would want to have!"

It's HARDER to stick it out with a friend through the tough times. It's HARDER to say, "I was wrong and I am sorry."

There's no POWER in being mean. Anyone can be a MEAN GIRL! It doesn't take much. A bad attitude and a gutter mouth.

But there is STRENGTH in being a SISTER!

This week's journal exercise is for you to decide if you are a MEAN GIRL or a TRUE SISTER?

Pretend you are one of your friends... and write a letter to YOU from HER shoes about the kind of friend you are. What this letter is lacking will be your clues as to the character traits you need to work on.