THINK before you ACT... it's Journal Entry Friday!

Have you ever acted on impulse and then had to live with regret? Sometimes it's a small mistake and sometimes it is life-changing. When I was in high school, my friends and I regularly talked about how awesome it would be if we could have ONE REWIND for every perplexing scenario.

So, you hear that the boy you like might be asking someone else to Prom. So, if we had this ONE REWIND, we could ask him to Prom before he asks the other girl and if the result is mortifying, we could REWIND, not ask him and move on.

Or, if you were considering sacrificing one of the personal boundaries you had set for yourself you could cross that line, see what the result was and REWIND if it proved itself to be a boundary that shouldn't be crossed.

OK, WAKE UP! No more daydreaming.

Life isn't like that - we learn by trial and error. If it doesn't work, don't do it again.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." ~Albert Einstein

But what about the FIRST time we are faced with those situations or scenarios? How do you decide what the right choice is? Is it even POSSIBLE to know what the right decision is?

I can promise you that if you sit down and write out what your PERSONAL BOUNDARIES are and you LIVE THOSE BOUNDARIES - those "what if" scenarios won't seem so daunting. The RIGHT choice will just stand right out.

Jenna chose to cross a boundary she thought she had securely set:

"It's not like one day you decide to get pregnant. It's a series of compromises, small decisions that lead to a big consequence; and that moment when you find out you're having a baby, everything changes forever. I got pregnant the first night I had sex. That one night of drinking with my friends changed the course of my life forever...if you don't stay closely connected to God and have a strong accountability in your life, what seems like tiny physical compromises in a relationship can lead to huge regrets."

So, I ask you all the time to think about your boundaries but this time I want you to make those boundaries CONCRETE! But here's the catch... you need to be consistent in those boundaries in THOUGHT, WORD and ACTION. So, your journal entries will look like this:

Boundary ---->
Thought ---->
Word ----->
Action----->

Then you will repeat these 4 things down the page - one set of 4 for each boundary you will set.

Here's an example on GOSSIP:

Boundary ----> No gossiping.
Thought ----> When someone tells me something about someone else, I need to realize it is not FACT unless I hear it directly FROM the person the gossip is about
Word -----> I will not spread gossip or tell info about someone else that is not in that person's best interest
Action-----> I will tell others to STOP when I am privy to gossip and I will speak my mind on how hurtful those words can be to the person who is not even there to stand up for themself or tell their side

Now, it's your turn.

Use the journal page below if you don't have your own journal and start SETTING YOUR BOUNDARIES that will keep you from having REGRET!

Communication... it's Journal Entry Friday!



Yesterday I posted about having open conversations with BOYS! Check it out HERE so you can follow the journal assignment based on what I shared yesterday!

There are so many opportunities to share WHO YOU ARE with other people through your conversations. Communicating teaches someone what you are all about. I HATE DIRTY JOKES, I don't find the humor in them and they embarrass me. I don't judge other adults for thinking they are funny but most everyone I know knows to wait until I have left the room to get their giggle on over the latest dirty joke. The only way for someone to know this is through communication. I simply say,"OK, eww, I don't think I will stick around to hear this punchline." And I walk out of the room. I didn't attack anyone, it was addressed to a whole room full of people and I can even smile when I say it. No one gets mad. No one thinks I made a scene.

It's a simple way to say, "This is who I am. I hope you remember this the next time."

So, what are some things you could start sharing with others about WHO YOU ARE and WHERE YOUR BOUNDARIES are? How can you say those things in a way that doesn't make you the target for "Drama Queen" stories?

So, let's get started. In this journal exercise write a list of people who need to know just a little more about you in order to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Could be a coach, a teacher, a friend, a boy...

Now, go in order and re-write their name, an explanation of the situation you are trying to fix and then start "scripting" what you would like to share with them about your boundaries!

Work on these until you have a gentle, crisp and to-the-point sentence or two that will help you guide them in treating you the way you deserve to be treated based on WHO YOU ARE!

Print and use the journal page below to jot down your ideas:

BOYS! It's all about communication...

Over on "the gathering" the conversation of BOYS and how to deal with them without being in a constant state of confusion is a HUGE topic that keeps repeating itself! Understanding them, their motives and their brains could quite honestly be the biggest puzzle that seems to never have all the pieces... but you know what? They think the same thing about US!

So, I thought this repetitive conversation warranted a post and some thoughts on how to live through your teenage years without deciding to swear off boys forever. Most of them really aren't bad guys ~ a little misguided at times but not BAD.

Guys want to know what's going on in your mind just as much as you want to know what's going on in theirs. So, what's one good way to solve this conundrum? TALK! Seems simple enough, right?

Most teens don't open up and talk about how they feel because they are afraid they are the only one who feels that way. Can you imagine how unlikely that is? The hundreds of millions of teens on the planet and YOU think YOU are the ONLY one who feels a certain way? This is completely irrational thinking.

Own what you feel! Make it known!

If you are not comfortable sharing how you feel with someone then you are not ready for a relationship. If the boy you like is not comfortable sharing with you how he feels then he is not ready for a relationship.

Here is the definition of
RELATIONSHIP:

–noun

1. a connection, association, or involvement.

2. connection between persons

3. an emotional or other connection

 

I have seen teens in my classroom who are "dating" and they spend the entire classtime trying NOT to have to talk or look at each other. Can you explain this CONNECTION? There is NONE!

 

So, if you are in a relationship and you CAN talk to your boyfriend about how you feel and what your boundaries are, then there are some rules to follow that will make your relationship stronger because you will be setting up your boundaries so he doesn't have to wonder! This will cut down on the drama of most TEEN relationships!!

This is simple - there are only a few rules and they will change your life when it comes to boys!!

1. USE YOUR WORDS!
This is one of the first things we learn as toddlers. Instead of whacking your new friend with a bucket when he throws sand in your face, you say, "I don't like it. Please stop!" I don't know what changes between then and now but somewhere along the way girls feel as though they lose the right to speak their minds. We ALWAYS have the right to speak our minds when it comes to our personal boundaries.

*A boy grabs your butt as you walk down the hallway - "I don't like it. Please stop!"
*Your boyfriend pushes you further than the typical goodnight kiss - "I don't like it. Please stop!"
*The boy whose attention you are dying for tells you to lose some weight - "I don't like it. Please stop!"

This rule applies in almost every scenario that can break your spirit.

As long as you are not using your words to hurt someone, throw someone under the bus or cut someone down to make you feel better, this is always the way to go!

2. SAY "NO!" WHEN SOMETHING MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!
No one has the right to make you uncomfortable. My house growing up was a house with NO cursing. NO ONE in my family used foul language (with the exception of a slip here and there but it was not a regular occurrence) so hearing bad words made me very uncomfortable. Even as an adult there are certain words that make me cringe. During my MS and HS years I didn't hold back. When someone swore I was sure to let them know (not in a b*tchy way) that I was not OK with them using that kind of language in my presence. I demanded respect! By the time I graduated there was never an issue, people just didn't swear when they were around me b/c I had set that boundary. So whether it's a boy's roaming hands, someone sending you inappropriate pictures on your phone or bullying you via facebook - if it is making you uncomfortable you have the right to say "NO!"

3. IF  HE WANTS YOU TO CHANGE, SAY "GOODBYE!"
You are beautiful JUST THE WAY YOU ARE and don't change for anyone! If you truly stay who you are and don't cave to what everyone ELSE says is popular, you will find the boy of your dreams! I promise! It may take a couple years b/c we all know that boys mature slower than girls so finding that boy that will treat you the way YOU deserve to be treated will happen when he is mature enough to know what he is doing when it comes to treating a girl right! If you find yourself in a situation that makes you feel like your own personal boundaries are being pushed b/c HE wants you to be someone else... say "Goodbye!" It will hurt for a minute but the strength that comes after the tears is WAY worth it!

4. IF HE HURTS YOU PHYSICALLY/EMOTIONALLY, WALK AWAY!
This is something I can't say enough. I know adults who still struggle with this. ANYONE who hurts you ON PURPOSE whether physically or emotionally does not deserve you. The biggest thing to remember is that it is easier to walk away after the FIRST time this happens than to allow it to happen until you feel powerless. Each time someone hurts you on purpose they steal a little bit of power from you. So, the more it happens the weaker you become. If they do it once... they will do it again. I have been married to my husband for 18 years and we were friends for years before that. He has NEVER... not even ONCE... called me a name or had to apologize for treating me badly - NOT ONE TIME! It is possible to have an amazing relationship where you truly are an equal part of the team, where no one belittles or scares the other person. Don't let it happen. And if it does - let it happen ONLY ONCE and WALK AWAY!

Girls! If you are strong enough to share your heart with someone, you need to be strong enough to stand up for WHO you are! You won't regret it! I promise!!

I welcome your comments!!

This Weekend's Butterfly Girlz Workshop

We had a blast this weekend talking about SCRIPTING YOUR OWN BOUNDARIES (one of the many workshops I offer). This event was exclusively for my Advisory Team that I lovingly call The Butterfly Girlz. We walked the red carpet, untangled human knots, giggled at a skit, listened to awesome music, made butterfly charm bracelets, got to know other team members from other states, did a couple journal entries and chatted ALOT about boundaries and how to make sure ours are CONCRETE!

Enjoy the photos! These girls sure enjoyed the day!

The workshops that are open to the public are called "gatherings" after our facebook page for TEEN GIRLS called "the gathering." If you are interested in having a workshop for your teen girl group please contact me at mybutterflygirlz@yahoo.com

What is a Butterfly Girl?

In the begining of The Butterfly Girlz project, it wasn't called The Butterfly Girlz! When I was brainstorming what I wanted the basis for this ministry to be, I looked at alot of things. I looked at what was causing the most pain in the schools that I had access to through volunteering. I looked at the issues and quandries my own teens were coming home with. And I looked at what was coming to light on the news.

What was causing teens so much grief. And I narrowed it down to one thing - RESPECT! So, I tried to figure out how to TEACH respect and I campe to the conclusion that if you can respect your SELF, you will naturally respect others. So this notion for my ministry was born. The programs I wrote, taught and spoke for would have their basis in self-respect.

So now I had to think of an easy way to describe something that you can not see. What does self-respect look like? While trying to think of a visual for self-respect I came up with The Legend of The Butterfly Girlz to describe HOW we hold onto and nurture our own self-respect which inturn will affect how you treat others. My hope is that this program will blossom and have a domino affect so that in the near future there will be more news stories about the GOOD that teens do and not the tragedy that they inflict upon themselves.

Here is what I give the girls that come to my workshops. The one I hand out is the perfect size for the inside of a locker door and will hopefully give them the strength they need when their self-respect is challenged during their day.

What is a

Butterfly Girl?

She’s a girl who knows her flaws but celebrates her strengths

She’s a girl who loves life enough to strive to make it grand

She’s a girl whose self-respect shines in her words and actions

She’s a girl who wants to share her spirit with everyone around her

Please feel free to copy and paste this or print and hand out - I just ask that you give this blog and my program some props when you do it.

Thanks girls!

If YOU were in the DICTIONARY... it's Journal Entry Friday!

Yesterday I posed the question,
"If YOU were in a dictionary, what would you WANT your definition to be?"

Jay McGraw (Dr. Phil's son) says, "You have to name it, before you can claim it." You can't go through life not knowing what you stand for. There's a famous quote that says, "If you don't know what you stand for, you will fall for anything."

I have talked to so many girls over the years who tell me about a boy taking advantage of them physically. They tell me the boy just kept saying, "Shhh, it's ok." They tell me they just weren't comfortable saying, "No!" In all cases these girls feel like something has been stolen from them. There is no doubt in their minds that those boys were wrong in what they did. They don't doubt that giving themselves (even parts of themselves) away was a mistake they will deal with for the rest of their lives. So, why did they let it happen?

I believe these things happen because we don't lay down CONCRETE boundaries in our lives. Girls as young as 2 and 3 are taught about inappropriate touching and what to do if it happens. But when you girls grow up, you get to a point in your lives where your mom can't determine your boundaries anymore. You need to OWN your decisions about what DEFINES you. YOU have this responsibility but all too often no one tells you that. Then you get into a situation with a boy or a mean girl pressuring you to do something you believe to be wrong and because you don't STAND for anything you FALL for their lies.

I am going to tell you a story from when I was 19.

I spent my high school years being the "goody two shoes." Some people made fun of me but mostly it was the girls who weren't as virtuous as I was and I just read into it that they were jealous that I was strong enough to say "no" to many things I was confronted with. I wasn't an outcast, I was a cheerleader, I dated the star basketball player on and off for 3 years. I was active in clubs and activities in school, I was in the Show Choir (which wasn't as drama-filled as GLEE!) So it wasn't my lack of popularity that made me a target, it was simply my choices and how OTHER people felt about them....as if I was wearing shirts that said, "I am better than you because I don't.... or .... or...."

When I went to college, I dated a boy that was my first experience with a "bad boy" so these boundaries I had set for myself were truly tested. I hadn't had anyone ask me, "What DEFINES you?" or "What are your personal concrete boundaries?" I was TOLD by my mom what the answers to those questions were. But, being in this not-so-healthy relationship helped me make those answers MY OWN.

One day I realized that when you have DEFINED BOUNDARIES, people can just sense it. When your boundaries are obvious by what you say, do and how you act...you don't deal with alot of what other girls your age do when it comes to peer pressure.

My boyfriend and I were at a party at his friend Rob's house. Unbeknownst to me, Rob was the biggest pig on the planet. At one point in the party a couple girls I didn't know came up to me and said, "We aren't sure what is going on but ever since you got here, Rob has been on his best behavior." I had no idea what they were talking about, I had never met the kid before so I had nothing to compare it to. On the way home that night, my boyfriend said, "Ya know, Rob really respects you. He didn't swear once or tell a dirty joke or be a pig once. It's like he KNEW you were a 'good girl'. I didn't think Rob had a decent bone in his body."

It was then that I realized that living my life the way I did, was SHOWING people what I would and would not accept from them. I didn't have to have a toe-to-toe confrontation with Rob to tell him my feelings about his foul mouth...he just behaved himself b/c it's what I EXPECTED. It was my DEFINITION.

"If YOU were in a dictionary, what would you WANT your definition to be?"

Now, I will tell you that staying together with this 'bad boy' led me down some roads where I stepped across my own boundaries enough times that what I had worked to build for those 19 years, fell and I had to rebuild portions of it again. So, I can see this situation from more that one side. I know what it's like to fall. But I know how much easier it is to get up if you BELIEVE in your own DEFINITION!

Use the following journal page to hash out your own PERSONAL DEFINITION. What will you demand from those around you? Respect, appropriate behaviors, drug-free friends, no bullying, no foul jokes, etc.....

Write your name as the word being DEFINED, then follow it with the definition...."a person who expects ........... a person who doesn't......... a person who won't tolerate............ a person who will always...................." Add more if you like.

What DIRECTION will your life take?

This weekend I had the privilege of teaching a lesson written by Andy Stanley to a group of amazing 5th and 6th graders. This lesson has so much potential to reach you where you are and give you a visual of the DIRECTION your life is taking. This is something so powerful I wanted to share it with you here, on the blog.

I hope that you will choose to share it with friends that you think could adjust their direction toward a safer path. You could save a life!

Read this statement slowly, read it again and let it sink in:

Your path, not your intention, determines your destination.

Are you feelin' it? Do you "get" what that is saying? Basically it is telling you a TRUTH that could change your life...TODAY. You can have the best intentions for your life, for where you want to be one day. But the path you choose as you go through your teens is what will determine your destination.

So, let me paint the picture for you...

You have the INTENTION of being a smart girl as you go through your school years. You put school at a high priority and your dream is to be a teacher after college. That's a really good INTENTION!

However, you have a group of friends that start putting more emphasis on partying than school. You rationalize their behavior with, "Well, you're only young once. They are just trying to relieve their stress. It won't hurt if you only drink every now and then." Basically, you are believing that your INTENTION will get you to that dream of being a teach even if your PATH takes a little detour.

Now, a couple months  down the road, your friends have moved into experimenting with drugs when they "party" - it's just a release, right? They are just blowing off steam. You try it here and there and you know that if you keep your eye on the prize (being a teacher) it will be easier for you to steer clear of becoming some kind of sick addict. You got this. You can handle this.

Report cards come home. You have failed 3 of your 5 major classes because your PATH has now veered so far away from your DESTINATION and you now realize that your INTENTION can NOT keep you on that right PATH...

Only your DIRECTION, not your INTENTION, determines your DESTINATION!

This is one of those things that if you don't take it seriously, you will look back on this day and think...why didn't I take that blog post seriously?!

So, what happens when you realize you are veering off the path? There are four words that can change your life: ACTION, SACRIFICE, EMBARRASSMENT and RELIEF! If you find yourself on a PATH that is so far from your INTENTION, there is hope!! You can get back on that path! I promise! But you will have to WORK and FIGHT for it. But you will be stronger for it! And the story you will have to tell and share with others will be so inspirational!

Now, here's the deal with these four words!!

ACTION - This is knowing you have to do something, i.e. end a relationship, make a phone call, have a tough conversation, and doing it. You know what it is. You know there is an ACTION you need to take that will change your direction. But what will this take?

SACRIFICE - You will realize that the ACTION you need to take will require giving something up. It may mean walking away from a friendship. It may mean walking away from a "habit" you have gotten yourself into. It may mean sacrificing your reputation. Youch. As a society, we don't like depriving ourselves of something.We are brought up believing if something feels uncomfortable it must be bad... sacrifice for the right reasons will still be uncomfortable but it is ALWAYS the right thing to do. So, what happens then?

EMBARRASSMENT - You are going to have to grow a thick skin. Your friends will hate that you are making a wise choice! Your reputation is going to change and teens will have a field day with this. People will see this change and because they aren't in your head, they won't understand it. And that's OK. You need to take care of YOU. Your true friends will know your heart and support your choices. What does this get you?

RELIEF - This is the good news! You will look back on this whole process and be able to breathe a sigh of relief. You got out. You are back on track. You will watch those people who continued down that path you WERE on and you will breathe that sigh of relief over and over when you see them fumble and you realize you got out in time. You didn't get pregnant before graduation. You weren't addicted to prescription drugs. You got into your dream college. You have the most amazing friends that SHARE YOUR PATH and will celebrate with you when you all reach that DESTINATION together!

The key to all of this is realizing AHEAD of time that your DIRECTION IS CHANGING- don't wait until you are LOST...and, like a GPS, re-route your path and get back on the right route before you really don't know where you are!

Let's discuss this some more - tell us YOUR story in the comments below.

Thank you, Andy Stanley, for an AWESOME, life-changing lesson!

Boundaries - It's Journal Entry Friday

Well, it has been two weeks since our last journal entry blog post. I apologize for not having one up for you last week, while on vacation I simply lost track of the days of the week. Before I knew it, Friday had passed.

This week the Butterfly Girlz Advisory Team has been talking alot about BOUNDARIES so I thought this was a perfect subject to bring to you today. We have talked about Boundaries with Boys, but this week we were discussing ALL of the personal boundaries that define who we are.

I asked the girls a simple question, "What are some of your personal boundaries?" and I got some amazing answers, of course, boundaries with boys were included but there were other boundaries that I thought were worth sharing.

"I have boundaries about eating to much junk food & candy"

"respecting myself and my family and not letting people push me around"

"being polite...and being responsible... also I try so hard to be honest in all situations"

Just like we talked about being clear about our boundaries with boys, we need to be secure and sure about our other personal boundaries.

I started this conversation with you yesterday when I posted the conversation I had with a young lady who was troubled by as situation that involved her boyfriend and another girl who was crossing a line. You can read that post HERE.

The way we live our lives and the boundaries we set will shape who we become. I want you to think really deeply about that... I will repeat it for you...

"the boundaries we set will shape who we become"

Teenagers have this notion that their teen years are the time to let loose (you're only young once), be free (if it feels good, do it) and go against authority (I'm tired of people telling me what to do)...

In actuality, your teen years are PRACTICE for becoming an adult. What are you right after you finish your teen years? An adult. There is no grace time in between. You don't live your teen years like a 6 year long party and then have a couple years to get all your ducks in a row before becoming an adult. You leave your teens the day of your 20th birthday. BAM! You are no longer a teen, you are a young adult! There is no grace period.

I graduated from high school a virgin. Yep, the big "V"! It's not for lack of opportunity, I had a serious boyfriend from the summer before my Senior year to the summer after. We spent alot of time together and we spent a lot of time alone. But I was taught that sex was for husband and wife. Little did I know that this virtue I had chosen for myself was not as private as I thought.

One day during my senior year, my good friend Paul leaned across the lunch table and shared something with me I will never forget. I don't remember his exact words but the sentiment he shared had a huge impact on my life.

I knew Paul since 7th grade, we had lots of classes together all the way through to our Senior year. Paul was a really popular guy, had girlfriends for as long as I knew him, was a bit of a rebel (just a little). He was a black-leather-jacket-wearing wonderfully good-looking guy. (He won "Best Eyes" in the Senior noteables)

Paul shared with me that he truly was in awe of the choices I made and how, even amid the pressures of high school, I had remained pure. He said it was beautiful. He said even though he was rarely without a girlfriend, he hoped to someday find a girl with morals set as high as mine.

Now, I didn't wear a VIRGIN t-shirt, I had never had the sex-or-no-sex conversation with Paul. But the boundaries I had set, had apparently shaped who I had become and who I was to those around me. I had no idea MY choices would have such an impact on those around me.

For your journal entry today, I want you to imagine you have a "Paul" in your life throughout Middle and High School. I want you to picture yourself sitting across from him at lunch when he leans over to have a similar conversation with you...

Paul's comments to me revolved around my choice to remain pure. But I don't want your journal entry to relate it to just boy-girl relationships. I want you to think of your boundaries as a whole...honesty, compassion, integrity, trustworthiness, etc.

What kinds of things will your "Paul" say to you?
This exercise is for you to envision yourself at the tender age of 18 and who you want to BE. This journal exercise will give you the roadmap for how to get there.

Here is your journal page:
(as always, I would love for you to share your entries in the comments if you feel comfortable doing so)

Setting Appropriate Boundaries...

I was talking to a girl today, let's call her Liza, who was troubled deeply by the actions of another girl toward Liza's boyfriend. The other girl was using crude language about her own "experiences" and even touched Liza's boyfriend in an intimate way and kissed him on the lips when she said "goodbye."

Liza was horribly offended at the way this girl was acting IN FRONT of Liza and a whole group of other people, too. She said to me, "I am truly NOT a prude, but she really crossed the line!"

I asked Liza if she said anything to her boyfriend about how she was feeling. She told me she vented to her girlfriends about it to get it out of her system but hadn't said anything to her boyfriend b/c she didn't want to come across as a "nag" and she didn't want him to think she was being "petty" about the situation.

I asked her if she said anything to the other girl. She said she didn't say anything at all to her but she reacted to the girl in a way that was NOT typically how she treated people. I asked her to explain. She said, "I was mean. She would ask me a question and I would throw an answer back that was loud and borderline inappropriate."

I asked her how that made her feel.
"I didn't like it. It's not 'me' to act that way. I hated the way I felt about how I acted."

We talked some more and tried to get to the bottom of WHY she felt she COULDN'T make her feelings known by speaking her mind as she watched the situation play out. She came to the conclusion that she was afraid of people thinking she was a prude. So afraid that she was ready to just let all these actions slide hoping they would go away.

Now, I can ask you...will this situation just go away?

No. You know it won't. And, quite honestly, she knows it won't.

So, Liza and I had a long talk about BOUNDARIES! Obviously this other girl has broader boundaries than Liza... one can see that by her roaming hands and lips and her off-color words and comments.

I am always amazed that this is a recurring issue with girls around the globe. Girls who have tighter boundaries seem to feel as though they are inconveniencing people by expecting them to act more appropriately.

Let me ask you this, imagine you are babysitting at the park and while you cautiously watch the little boy who has been entrusted to you for the afternoon, you look up to see a little girl run toward the gate that someone has left open. You grab the little boy you are watching and remind him to NEVER leave the fenced area. As you continue to watch, you can see the baby(bench)sitter is texting. When you glance toward the little escape artist you see she has left the fenced area and is headed down a hill toward a busy intersection. Her little feet are moving way too fast to stop at the bottom.

But, rather than inconvenience the texting sitter, you take your little boy's hand and turn to head back to the swings. You wouldn't want her to think you were petty by expecting her to have the same boundaries as you.

Does that seem ridiculous? Of course it does!

So, back to Liza and her boyfriend and the boundary-pushing girl...

By not expecting the other girl to respect her boundaries, Liza was allowing the other girl to SET the boundaries FOR her. She was giving all of her power away.

We set boundaries to stay safe, to be comfortable and to stand up for what we believe to be right and true and good. When we don't make those boundaries clear, we fall victim to the poor choices of others. We allow situations into our lives that will bring us pain and heartbreak.

Liza has every right to set the following boundaries (and any others she feels strongly about) with anyone who comes into her life:

Do NOT use offensive/suggestive language when in my presence
Do NOT put your hands/lips on my significant other

You have the right to make these boundaries known. It's not easy and you risk having people make judgements about your boundaries. But, I can tell you from experience, being a "Goody-Two-Shoes" can build your self-esteem MUCH further than being accepted into a group that prides itselfs in inappropriate behaviors. Taking part in things that go against your boundaries will do more harm than good, It will break your spirit and make you question WHO you really ARE.

Tomorrow I will share a personal story about boundaries!
Stay Tuned!