Communication... it's Journal Entry Friday!



Yesterday I posted about having open conversations with BOYS! Check it out HERE so you can follow the journal assignment based on what I shared yesterday!

There are so many opportunities to share WHO YOU ARE with other people through your conversations. Communicating teaches someone what you are all about. I HATE DIRTY JOKES, I don't find the humor in them and they embarrass me. I don't judge other adults for thinking they are funny but most everyone I know knows to wait until I have left the room to get their giggle on over the latest dirty joke. The only way for someone to know this is through communication. I simply say,"OK, eww, I don't think I will stick around to hear this punchline." And I walk out of the room. I didn't attack anyone, it was addressed to a whole room full of people and I can even smile when I say it. No one gets mad. No one thinks I made a scene.

It's a simple way to say, "This is who I am. I hope you remember this the next time."

So, what are some things you could start sharing with others about WHO YOU ARE and WHERE YOUR BOUNDARIES are? How can you say those things in a way that doesn't make you the target for "Drama Queen" stories?

So, let's get started. In this journal exercise write a list of people who need to know just a little more about you in order to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Could be a coach, a teacher, a friend, a boy...

Now, go in order and re-write their name, an explanation of the situation you are trying to fix and then start "scripting" what you would like to share with them about your boundaries!

Work on these until you have a gentle, crisp and to-the-point sentence or two that will help you guide them in treating you the way you deserve to be treated based on WHO YOU ARE!

Print and use the journal page below to jot down your ideas:

BOYS! It's all about communication...

Over on "the gathering" the conversation of BOYS and how to deal with them without being in a constant state of confusion is a HUGE topic that keeps repeating itself! Understanding them, their motives and their brains could quite honestly be the biggest puzzle that seems to never have all the pieces... but you know what? They think the same thing about US!

So, I thought this repetitive conversation warranted a post and some thoughts on how to live through your teenage years without deciding to swear off boys forever. Most of them really aren't bad guys ~ a little misguided at times but not BAD.

Guys want to know what's going on in your mind just as much as you want to know what's going on in theirs. So, what's one good way to solve this conundrum? TALK! Seems simple enough, right?

Most teens don't open up and talk about how they feel because they are afraid they are the only one who feels that way. Can you imagine how unlikely that is? The hundreds of millions of teens on the planet and YOU think YOU are the ONLY one who feels a certain way? This is completely irrational thinking.

Own what you feel! Make it known!

If you are not comfortable sharing how you feel with someone then you are not ready for a relationship. If the boy you like is not comfortable sharing with you how he feels then he is not ready for a relationship.

Here is the definition of
RELATIONSHIP:

–noun

1. a connection, association, or involvement.

2. connection between persons

3. an emotional or other connection

 

I have seen teens in my classroom who are "dating" and they spend the entire classtime trying NOT to have to talk or look at each other. Can you explain this CONNECTION? There is NONE!

 

So, if you are in a relationship and you CAN talk to your boyfriend about how you feel and what your boundaries are, then there are some rules to follow that will make your relationship stronger because you will be setting up your boundaries so he doesn't have to wonder! This will cut down on the drama of most TEEN relationships!!

This is simple - there are only a few rules and they will change your life when it comes to boys!!

1. USE YOUR WORDS!
This is one of the first things we learn as toddlers. Instead of whacking your new friend with a bucket when he throws sand in your face, you say, "I don't like it. Please stop!" I don't know what changes between then and now but somewhere along the way girls feel as though they lose the right to speak their minds. We ALWAYS have the right to speak our minds when it comes to our personal boundaries.

*A boy grabs your butt as you walk down the hallway - "I don't like it. Please stop!"
*Your boyfriend pushes you further than the typical goodnight kiss - "I don't like it. Please stop!"
*The boy whose attention you are dying for tells you to lose some weight - "I don't like it. Please stop!"

This rule applies in almost every scenario that can break your spirit.

As long as you are not using your words to hurt someone, throw someone under the bus or cut someone down to make you feel better, this is always the way to go!

2. SAY "NO!" WHEN SOMETHING MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!
No one has the right to make you uncomfortable. My house growing up was a house with NO cursing. NO ONE in my family used foul language (with the exception of a slip here and there but it was not a regular occurrence) so hearing bad words made me very uncomfortable. Even as an adult there are certain words that make me cringe. During my MS and HS years I didn't hold back. When someone swore I was sure to let them know (not in a b*tchy way) that I was not OK with them using that kind of language in my presence. I demanded respect! By the time I graduated there was never an issue, people just didn't swear when they were around me b/c I had set that boundary. So whether it's a boy's roaming hands, someone sending you inappropriate pictures on your phone or bullying you via facebook - if it is making you uncomfortable you have the right to say "NO!"

3. IF  HE WANTS YOU TO CHANGE, SAY "GOODBYE!"
You are beautiful JUST THE WAY YOU ARE and don't change for anyone! If you truly stay who you are and don't cave to what everyone ELSE says is popular, you will find the boy of your dreams! I promise! It may take a couple years b/c we all know that boys mature slower than girls so finding that boy that will treat you the way YOU deserve to be treated will happen when he is mature enough to know what he is doing when it comes to treating a girl right! If you find yourself in a situation that makes you feel like your own personal boundaries are being pushed b/c HE wants you to be someone else... say "Goodbye!" It will hurt for a minute but the strength that comes after the tears is WAY worth it!

4. IF HE HURTS YOU PHYSICALLY/EMOTIONALLY, WALK AWAY!
This is something I can't say enough. I know adults who still struggle with this. ANYONE who hurts you ON PURPOSE whether physically or emotionally does not deserve you. The biggest thing to remember is that it is easier to walk away after the FIRST time this happens than to allow it to happen until you feel powerless. Each time someone hurts you on purpose they steal a little bit of power from you. So, the more it happens the weaker you become. If they do it once... they will do it again. I have been married to my husband for 18 years and we were friends for years before that. He has NEVER... not even ONCE... called me a name or had to apologize for treating me badly - NOT ONE TIME! It is possible to have an amazing relationship where you truly are an equal part of the team, where no one belittles or scares the other person. Don't let it happen. And if it does - let it happen ONLY ONCE and WALK AWAY!

Girls! If you are strong enough to share your heart with someone, you need to be strong enough to stand up for WHO you are! You won't regret it! I promise!!

I welcome your comments!!

L O V E - What is it?... it's Journal Entry Friday!

Hello my sweets!

Well, you can't be the mentor for teen girls for too long before this subject comes up:

It's just about as exciting as getting your first bra. Your first bra (and your first boyfriend) means you are growing up. You know you wanted one - everyone does...even if you can't admit it. Although you would probably rather shop for it alone...the shopping for it isn't as much fun as GETTING IT! But then what, things get twisted up a little. Other people notice this new thing and they start to talk. Drama rears its ugly head and soon you almost wish you hadn't admitted being ready for this....bra (oh wait, or were we talking about boys?)

Falling in love is supposed to be just like that...a little uncomfortable but so exciting on the inside you could explode. Your blood tingles as it runs through your veins, your breathing completely stops when he looks in your direction. Your palms get sweaty the moment you think he will reach for your hand. A jolt of electricity runs through your skin when you here the sound you have assigned only to his texts. And then other people have their say and words get twisted and you are SLAMMED with DRAMA. It's no fun.

So, what is love?

I have so many girls ask me this question. We talk about it on "the gathering" a lot. And this week it came up both on the wall and in private messages  so I thought this was something that warranted some journaling.

All of the physiological things that happen to your body when you like a  boy happen whether it is a crush or love. That excitement happens either way so you can't know right away if it is love or a crush.

The crush usually can't survive the drama...

The relationships that survive the drama, the gossip, the tragedies of love and find their bond STRONGER... that is probably more LOVE than CRUSH.

One of the girls on the gathering shared this and I loved it!

"Well define love...like cheesy middle school love that everyone thinks they're in...or that feeling I have inside me all the time that drives me insane with happiness? Is love being grateful for every second I get see him or talk to him? Knowing that my favorite thing about him is who he is inside, and not what he looks like or how good he is at this or that or because he compliments me? Is love that feeling I get when he smiles at me or looks at me? Or that feeling I get when you realize that this can't possible last forever but I want him to be happy with whoever he's with? Is it knowing he's my best friend and the one I can talk to anything about, joke around with, or tease? I've asked tons of people whether it's love or not but honestly....what is love?"

For your Friday journal, I want you to just make a WORD COLLAGE of all the things you feel when you are crushing on a boy. Cut words out of magazines, write them in, include images that maybe you can't give words to... be creative and work it out.

You'll know love when it comes... but it most likely the kind of love you are looking for won't come along for sometime. So, don't throw that word around too quickly. LOVE is a big thing and needs to be treated as such! Be careful!

Feel free to copy and print this journal page to use for this exercise.

If YOU were in the DICTIONARY... it's Journal Entry Friday!

Yesterday I posed the question,
"If YOU were in a dictionary, what would you WANT your definition to be?"

Jay McGraw (Dr. Phil's son) says, "You have to name it, before you can claim it." You can't go through life not knowing what you stand for. There's a famous quote that says, "If you don't know what you stand for, you will fall for anything."

I have talked to so many girls over the years who tell me about a boy taking advantage of them physically. They tell me the boy just kept saying, "Shhh, it's ok." They tell me they just weren't comfortable saying, "No!" In all cases these girls feel like something has been stolen from them. There is no doubt in their minds that those boys were wrong in what they did. They don't doubt that giving themselves (even parts of themselves) away was a mistake they will deal with for the rest of their lives. So, why did they let it happen?

I believe these things happen because we don't lay down CONCRETE boundaries in our lives. Girls as young as 2 and 3 are taught about inappropriate touching and what to do if it happens. But when you girls grow up, you get to a point in your lives where your mom can't determine your boundaries anymore. You need to OWN your decisions about what DEFINES you. YOU have this responsibility but all too often no one tells you that. Then you get into a situation with a boy or a mean girl pressuring you to do something you believe to be wrong and because you don't STAND for anything you FALL for their lies.

I am going to tell you a story from when I was 19.

I spent my high school years being the "goody two shoes." Some people made fun of me but mostly it was the girls who weren't as virtuous as I was and I just read into it that they were jealous that I was strong enough to say "no" to many things I was confronted with. I wasn't an outcast, I was a cheerleader, I dated the star basketball player on and off for 3 years. I was active in clubs and activities in school, I was in the Show Choir (which wasn't as drama-filled as GLEE!) So it wasn't my lack of popularity that made me a target, it was simply my choices and how OTHER people felt about them....as if I was wearing shirts that said, "I am better than you because I don't.... or .... or...."

When I went to college, I dated a boy that was my first experience with a "bad boy" so these boundaries I had set for myself were truly tested. I hadn't had anyone ask me, "What DEFINES you?" or "What are your personal concrete boundaries?" I was TOLD by my mom what the answers to those questions were. But, being in this not-so-healthy relationship helped me make those answers MY OWN.

One day I realized that when you have DEFINED BOUNDARIES, people can just sense it. When your boundaries are obvious by what you say, do and how you act...you don't deal with alot of what other girls your age do when it comes to peer pressure.

My boyfriend and I were at a party at his friend Rob's house. Unbeknownst to me, Rob was the biggest pig on the planet. At one point in the party a couple girls I didn't know came up to me and said, "We aren't sure what is going on but ever since you got here, Rob has been on his best behavior." I had no idea what they were talking about, I had never met the kid before so I had nothing to compare it to. On the way home that night, my boyfriend said, "Ya know, Rob really respects you. He didn't swear once or tell a dirty joke or be a pig once. It's like he KNEW you were a 'good girl'. I didn't think Rob had a decent bone in his body."

It was then that I realized that living my life the way I did, was SHOWING people what I would and would not accept from them. I didn't have to have a toe-to-toe confrontation with Rob to tell him my feelings about his foul mouth...he just behaved himself b/c it's what I EXPECTED. It was my DEFINITION.

"If YOU were in a dictionary, what would you WANT your definition to be?"

Now, I will tell you that staying together with this 'bad boy' led me down some roads where I stepped across my own boundaries enough times that what I had worked to build for those 19 years, fell and I had to rebuild portions of it again. So, I can see this situation from more that one side. I know what it's like to fall. But I know how much easier it is to get up if you BELIEVE in your own DEFINITION!

Use the following journal page to hash out your own PERSONAL DEFINITION. What will you demand from those around you? Respect, appropriate behaviors, drug-free friends, no bullying, no foul jokes, etc.....

Write your name as the word being DEFINED, then follow it with the definition...."a person who expects ........... a person who doesn't......... a person who won't tolerate............ a person who will always...................." Add more if you like.

Setting Appropriate Boundaries...

I was talking to a girl today, let's call her Liza, who was troubled deeply by the actions of another girl toward Liza's boyfriend. The other girl was using crude language about her own "experiences" and even touched Liza's boyfriend in an intimate way and kissed him on the lips when she said "goodbye."

Liza was horribly offended at the way this girl was acting IN FRONT of Liza and a whole group of other people, too. She said to me, "I am truly NOT a prude, but she really crossed the line!"

I asked Liza if she said anything to her boyfriend about how she was feeling. She told me she vented to her girlfriends about it to get it out of her system but hadn't said anything to her boyfriend b/c she didn't want to come across as a "nag" and she didn't want him to think she was being "petty" about the situation.

I asked her if she said anything to the other girl. She said she didn't say anything at all to her but she reacted to the girl in a way that was NOT typically how she treated people. I asked her to explain. She said, "I was mean. She would ask me a question and I would throw an answer back that was loud and borderline inappropriate."

I asked her how that made her feel.
"I didn't like it. It's not 'me' to act that way. I hated the way I felt about how I acted."

We talked some more and tried to get to the bottom of WHY she felt she COULDN'T make her feelings known by speaking her mind as she watched the situation play out. She came to the conclusion that she was afraid of people thinking she was a prude. So afraid that she was ready to just let all these actions slide hoping they would go away.

Now, I can ask you...will this situation just go away?

No. You know it won't. And, quite honestly, she knows it won't.

So, Liza and I had a long talk about BOUNDARIES! Obviously this other girl has broader boundaries than Liza... one can see that by her roaming hands and lips and her off-color words and comments.

I am always amazed that this is a recurring issue with girls around the globe. Girls who have tighter boundaries seem to feel as though they are inconveniencing people by expecting them to act more appropriately.

Let me ask you this, imagine you are babysitting at the park and while you cautiously watch the little boy who has been entrusted to you for the afternoon, you look up to see a little girl run toward the gate that someone has left open. You grab the little boy you are watching and remind him to NEVER leave the fenced area. As you continue to watch, you can see the baby(bench)sitter is texting. When you glance toward the little escape artist you see she has left the fenced area and is headed down a hill toward a busy intersection. Her little feet are moving way too fast to stop at the bottom.

But, rather than inconvenience the texting sitter, you take your little boy's hand and turn to head back to the swings. You wouldn't want her to think you were petty by expecting her to have the same boundaries as you.

Does that seem ridiculous? Of course it does!

So, back to Liza and her boyfriend and the boundary-pushing girl...

By not expecting the other girl to respect her boundaries, Liza was allowing the other girl to SET the boundaries FOR her. She was giving all of her power away.

We set boundaries to stay safe, to be comfortable and to stand up for what we believe to be right and true and good. When we don't make those boundaries clear, we fall victim to the poor choices of others. We allow situations into our lives that will bring us pain and heartbreak.

Liza has every right to set the following boundaries (and any others she feels strongly about) with anyone who comes into her life:

Do NOT use offensive/suggestive language when in my presence
Do NOT put your hands/lips on my significant other

You have the right to make these boundaries known. It's not easy and you risk having people make judgements about your boundaries. But, I can tell you from experience, being a "Goody-Two-Shoes" can build your self-esteem MUCH further than being accepted into a group that prides itselfs in inappropriate behaviors. Taking part in things that go against your boundaries will do more harm than good, It will break your spirit and make you question WHO you really ARE.

Tomorrow I will share a personal story about boundaries!
Stay Tuned!

Boundaries w/ BOYS - It's Journal Entry Friday

The Butterfly Girlz Advisory Team has been talking about boys this week. We have been talking about what drives us crazy and how to deal with it. I thought this would be a great Friday Journaling subject.

So, here are some of the things the girls were saying...

K: [I hate it] when they act like they like you and then they totally ignore you and are super mean and annoying. This bothers me because they like lead you on and then you start to like the guy.

N: How they are nice to you on minute, then mean to you the next, it's so annoying.

M: I think what really gets me is when they say they like you, but they send you mixed signals. & they don't understand how girls work and usually end up hurting us in the end :(

E: with some guys, if they like u, they don't show it. instead they r mean to u and do weird things to try to "impress" you. that gets on my nerves.

My advice to the girls: Ya know, I don't even think they realize they do this sometimes, their brains are so all over the place at this age, I think they also like to be in control of the situation so they don't get shot down first... it is not fair... but you know what you can learn from this? GUARD YOUR HEART...don't fall too fast... put your trust in YOU to make a wise decision, not in THEM to be who you HOPE they are...

Then the conversations changed directions a little with the following comment from one of the older girls on the Team:

L: This may only fall in the category of boys who like you/ boyfriends.... boys who are clingy!! Let me do my thing dude, you'll get your time haha.

This comment fell right in line with what I was trying to get across... and made me think of something CHAD EASTHAM said at The Revolve Tour last weekend...he was talking about making plans and setting boundaries.

He asked girls for a definition of the word DATING... he got many very different responses. The variation of what girls think "dating" is was astounding...from hanging out with the boy you like to being in love with someone that you do everything with.

Then he asked girls to define the word HOUSE. Well, of course, that was much easier. A house has rooms with walls, it has windows and doors...etc etc.

I bought Chad's new book (LOVE his title!!) and I came upon this same conversation again and thought it would be a GREAT way to hash out this issue we have with the ways boys/boyfriends treat us.

It is easy for us to define what a HOUSE is because we have a clear concept of WHAT IT IS. There are things you need to have in a structure you will call a house - it needs to have a kitchen, some bedrooms, bathrooms (of course), a living room or den. There have to be doors and windows to be able to get in and out.

So, when it comes to boys, do you set up the same kind of "plan" - with boys, those details need to be laid out as boundaries...which in essence is how a house is laid out. We have a bathroom right next to our  kitchen, I NEED there to be a wall there - that is the boundary I have set for the people trying to eat dinner. That boundary keeps the four of us at the dinner table from having to be a part of what is going on in the bathroom with the one that left just moments ago.

Chad talks about setting boundaries by laying out what you EXPECT from a relationship with a boy. I thought the questions he asks would be PERFECT to follow up our week-long discussion the Advisory Team has been having about boys and also is a helpful tool for anyone old enough to start thinking they might be interested in a specific boy.

Chad challenges us to think AHEAD about what we EXPECT:
Use the following questions and the journal page below to do this week's FRIDAY JOURNAL ENTRY!

• How much time are you going to spend together?
• How much time are you going to spend talking on the phone, texting or chatting online?
• What physical boundaries have you set for yourself? What lines with you NOT cross under any circumstances?
• What kind of time will you spend with each other's friends and families?

And I want to add a couple questions about boundaries, too...

• What are your VERBAL boundaries? Are there words and/or subjects that you will not accept as appropriate when spoken in front of or to you?
• What are his boyfriend 'no-brainers' in your mind? Will he walk you to class? Will he change lunch tables to sit with you and not his friends?
• Will he have boundaries YOU will need to respect? What are they?

By digging a little deeper, you may find out some things you didn't know about yourself. and that's why JOURNAL ENTRY FRIDAY is so stinkin' cool!

Here's your journal page:

Thanks Chad Eastham for inspiring us to think DEEPER!

Where do you draw the line?

It's been a big week for young girls talking about BOYS. Maybe it's Spring. Maybe it's the moon. Who knows but I am a firm believer that there's a reason for everything and if one girl reads this post and learns something, well, then the reason for all that BOY talk was to inspire me to lay it all out for you to read.

I have a friend who counsels teens, a couple friends in the local school system, numerous friends who are parents of teens and I mentor teens online throughout the week. I hear it all. Nothing shocks me but there are so many things that make me sad about girls and their mindset on BOYS.

If I could rent a car and a bullhorn and travel every road in the country shouting out guidance that would keep you true to who you were meant to be - I would do it in a heartbeat! My own children might change their names - can you see me?

So, you see where I am going with this...

I talked to a young girl this week who was concerned for a friend who was letting her boyfriend's hands roam at school. When I asked why she thought her friend would think this was OK, she said because they do more than that when they are alone. I asked why her friend thought THAT was OK, she said because when she talks about it at school, the girls react in a "you're so lucky" kind of way. This girl is 12.

Someone shared a story with me about a 14-year old girl who wanted to know when was an appropriate age to "give" herself to her boyfriend. Well, I have to say, the right answer is "NOT 14!" (Don't get mad... keep reading... let me explain) However, this girl said she thought it was her responsibility to give herself away..."It's what girls do, right? We are just supposed to, aren't we?"

I have talked to many girls over the years that want to know how far is too far, how much is too much, what's OK and what's not... I make it a point when I talk to girls about this subject to let them know I don't judge - I don't think less of you because of what you've done....I am here to help, no matter WHAT stage of this dilemma you are in. Whether you are considering the next step with your boyfriend or you have already taken that step, I am here to answer your questions. What would judging do? Nothing.

Here's how I look at it...
I relate it to butterflies.

Each time you let someone cross the line - whether it is in the way they treat you, something they say that is uncalled for, a rumor that's spread - you let one of your butterflies go. Your butterflies help you to float above the muck of life. With each butterfly that escapes, the closer you are to getting messy...life will get messy. You can chase after the escaped butterflies when you realize you should have stood up for yourself and held on tighter to your self-respect...but that takes time and alot of effort to get them back. It's worth it. But it's not easy. Much easier to just hold onto them to begin with.

Teenage boys are truly just a giant mass of hormones - their bodies are raging with hormones they don't know what to do with. These hormones make them do and say stupid things (now, keep in mind, most boys are not bad...for the most part they are as confused about their actions as you are) and these hormones make them WANT to try things that they think that make them cool.

Some boys just act goofy, some sprinkle curse words in every sentence, some Google not-so-good images and some experiment with what they can get away with with girls. Roaming hands, telling you they love you and if you love them you will ... (fill in the blank).

THIS is where you draw the line...when it comes to your body.
Whose body is it? YOURS!
Whose? YOURS!
YOURS!
YOURS!
YOURS!

One of the biggest mistakes girls make when they are young is associating "giving in" to a boy as showing her love to him. Well, let me tell you... that is not what the boy is getting out of it. He is not thinking, "Wow! She really loves me." The only thing this is communicating to the boy is, "Wow! That wasn't difficult. Wonder how far she will go next time."

When you give one of these butterflies away... you can't get it back. There is a piece of you that that boy will carry around for the rest of his life.

The void you feel from the LOST butterflies hurts...

When we lose something what do we do? We try to find it. When we can't find it what do we do? We try to replace it.

Because at 12 or 14, like the girls I mentioned above, your brain is not fully developed it is so hard to make sense of that void... that hole that you feel in your heart. Your critical thinking and problem solving skills will one day be located in the frontal lobe of your brain which does not mature until you are  in your mid-20's.

Your brain will tell you to find something to fill that void.

Do you see where I am going with this?

Your brain will tell you that going farther will fill that void... and so the cycle begins.

When that boy has long gone... you will still be searching for what will fill that butterfly-shaped hole in your heart.

So, my message to you is...

LOVE URSELF ENOUGH 2 SAY NO!

Are you hearing me through that bullhorn? I am right outside - yelling to every house on your street.

Hold onto those butterflies so they can help you FLOAT when life gets really tough.

So, what about those of you who already have a butterfly-shaped hole in your heart? You can't go back...but you CAN learn from your mistake and this is when you fill that hole with YOU - invest in getting to know yourself better. Take some time to spend with you... take a walk, let yourself vent, talk about how you feel. Learn from your mistakes and promise yourself that you won't repeat them. Journal your heart. Write a letter to the boy who pushed you a little too far - don't give it to him (rip it into tiny pieces and flush it) but get those feelings out so you can start to heal and so you can see clearer and make better choices when a similar situation arises.

You're going to be OK, I promise - you can come out of this stronger and more aware.

Leave me your comments, tell me what you think.

As always email me michellebrownlow@yahoo.com if you want to chat deeper about this subject.

Monday's MUSIC! Britt Nicole, Group 1 Crew, Jamie Grace, Hawk Nelson!

Some of the local Butterfly Girlz and I attended The REVOLVE Tour this weekend and we had a BLAST!

The speakers were AMAZING...

We all LOVED Chad Eastham he knows A LOT about guys - and isn't that what we girls wanna know?!

You can connect with Chad and read more about him on his AWESOME WEBSITE!

The Girlz fell in LOVE with the music that we rocked out to so I thought since today was MEDIA/MUSIC Monday, I would share that music with you! We have been singing it since we left the arena on Saturday!

Introducing BRITT NICOLE!!!!!!!!!

Double click this video to get to YouTube and check out all her other videos! She is AWESOME!!!!! We all thought she looks and sounded a lot like Carrie Underwood!! She was SO MUCH FUN!

Then we all giggled with JAMIE GRACE! LOVE HER!
Toby Mac found her on YouTube...and ended up producing her NEW SINGLE!! GO JAMIE! WE LOVE YOU!




We had a BLAST dancing all around to GROUP 1 CREW!!
SOOOOOO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!!!



And of course...we were ALL crushing on HAWK NELSON!
Oh my WORD these guys were a BLAST!



So, check all of these AMAZING artists out on iTunes and load up your playlist with THIS music. So, the next time you hear lyrics that are offensive, throw in your earbuds and ROCK OUT to some music that is sure to make you feel GOOD - really GOOD!

Circle Yes or No! - It's Journal Entry Friday

This week brought me the inside scoop on typical teen drama that some moms don't want to hear. But I want to hear it all. Nothing shocks me. I don't have that "GASP! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" reaction so my kids know they can come to me with anything and we chat it out calmly.

I have a large network of professionals that I speak to daily. Some are professional moms (btw - you HAVE to be professional to be a good mom!), some are in the schools everyday working as teachers, some are what I like to call professional teens - the ones that  take their life seriously enough to open up and talk about it.

This week the theme seemed to be BOYS!

Alright, when I was in school - yes, back when the dinosaurs roamed in the playground - boys started being interested in girls in 6th grade. Now when I say "interested" I just mean they one day woke up and thought, "Hey, wait, Michelle isn't a boy - woah - that means she's a ... oh, what are they called... duhhh ummm, oh yeah, she's a girl! A girl. Hmmm. I wonder what they do. I guess I better watch some of them a little closer to figure them out."

I am not bashing boys or insinuating that they are big oafs. It truly just happens that way for them. So, one day in 6th grade I got a note from a boy named David, asking if I would be his girlfriend. Now, David sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME so he could have just turned to me and said, "Hey, wanna be my girlfriend?" But, no, I got this crinkled, sweaty scrap of paper that looked a little like this:

OK, there are a couple things that should have bothered me about this note - first, my name is not "Michael" and if David really cared about me, I would have liked for him to at least make sure he knew how to spell my name.

Secondly, giving me the option to circle my answer meant we could potentially become a "couple" without even TALKING to one another. I don't even remember speaking to David before he asked me out.

Third, if this boy didn't know me well enough to even ask me a question, wouldn't he want to make sure he KNEW the girl he was asking out? If he really didn't care, why would I want to be his girlfriend? How would he treat me?

Now, I know notes aren't usually the "thing" these days, boys just ask their friends to ask the girl they like... or in some cases, the poor boy confides in his friends about the girl he likes and he gets ambushed! Before he knows it, his friends have taken it upon themselves to "set them up" and by the end of the day the girl has said "yes" to a question SHE believes came from the boy. Hearts will be breaking by the end of the week. This is not how to start your dating experiences.

Here's the way I look at it and I want you to think about approaching this situation this way, too...

If the boy does not have the nerve to personally ask you to be his girlfriend, he most likely won't have the decency to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. He will most likely just hold the right to say you are "his" - he very well may not talk to you at all... ever. You are a beautiful prize that comes in a precious package, you are worth waiting for. And if he needs to wait a couple month to get enough nerve to talk to you, then let him wait. Besides, wouldn't you want to get to know him before it becomes public that you like him enough to be his girlfriend? People will make assumptions about you BASED on the people you give your time to. Is he worth your time?

There is no rush to jump into a relationship with someone. I just talked to a boy yesterday who asked for advice because he thought he liked two different girls at the same time. He wasn't "going out" with anyone but he was killing himself over the fact that he couldn't decide who he liked more.

I told this boy that this was not a dilemma at all. Unless he was in a "Ask the girl you like the best out within 24 hours and win $1,000,000!" contest, there was NO rush to make that decision. Being single and "enjoying" the company of multiple girls is NOT a crime. He can be very good friends with many girls and do just that... be friends. He is learning what is attractive to him. He is learning what he is looking for by keeping his options open. He is saving everyone a lot of heartbreak by not pressuring himself to ask one of them out so he has the elusive title of "boyfriend."

It is the same for you girls, the best relationships start out as FRIENDSHIPS not sweaty note-writers.

Rewind back to 1982, soon after circling "yes" on David's note we started talking a little here and there. One afternoon as we passed in our spelling tests I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He quickly answered with,
"A garbage truck."

So, girls, today's journal exercise is for you to make a list of the qualities you would like in a boyfriend. Think of everything... (print the journal page below if you need one)

Do you want him to say "excuse me" when he burps? So, you want someone POLITE.
This of it all!

Now, look at the length of your list... do boys your age have most of these qualities? You are worth waiting for...use this journal exercise to focus on what your STANDARDS are! Now, write these words at the bottom of your list...

"Should I expect A LOT from the boy who wants to be my boyfriend? Circle Yes or No"
Then CIRCLE "YES!"

Comment below - let's talk some more about this in the comments!
As always email me @ michellebrownlow@yahoo.com if you want to speak privately about this or any other subject.