Kindergarten could teach us ALOT...

As I put my baby boy on the bus this morning for his first day of Kindergarten, I was reminded of a book by Robert Fulghum that I have kept close to my heart for almost two decades.

I thought it was appropriate on what may be your FIRST DAY of school.

As you read these things, please THINK about them... one at a time... so simple, yet so poignant!

We could all learn a few things from our nearest Kindergartener... just not the picking-the-nose part!

Enjoy!

[Source: "ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN" by Robert Fulghum.  See his web site at http://www.robertfulghum.com/  ]

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN

(a guide for Global Leadership)

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.
These are the things I learned:

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm.

Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

What's your SHIRT say?... it's Journal Entry Friday!

So, wouldn't it be cool if we could have our personality strengths on our clothing so people who only notice someone's looks could have a quick peek inside our soul before they started making their judgements?

This shirt is the one I designed and is on cafepress showing what The Butterfly Girlz as a group stand for.

What would your shirt say?

Have you ever thought of the things you stand for? Have you ever wished you KNEW what you stood for? Sometimes if you jot down the things you dislike about humanity, you can turn those around into the things you WANT to stand for.

For example, do you hate when people lie? Then you can stand for TRUTH. Do you have trouble trusting people who cheat? Then you can stand for INTEGRITY. And so on.

This week's journal assignment is for you to DESIGN YOUR OWN SHIRT with what you STAND for! This could be really cool, considering you can upload designs to cafepress and then order your OWN shirt to wear proudly! SOOOOO COOOL!

As always, copy and print the journal page or use your own journal for your sketches, PLEASE leave a link where we can all see your designs!

Now, get ready, get set, DRAW!!!

HAVE FUN!

Girl POWER... it's Journal Entry Friday (early)

Yesterday at our JUST THE WAY SHE IS event our discussion turned in a direction that I think warranted the good long chat we ended up having. I thought since I didn't post yesterday (because my house was filled with 30-some amazing young ladies) I would post the revelation we had. Then I thought this would be a great journal exercise - but I was so pumped about it, I didn't want to wait until tomorrow to post it - I wanted to give it to you now...today. So, it's Journal Entry Thursday...

There is a thing I like to call GIRL POWER! It's a real thing. It's a phenomenon that is not seen too often these days. It is something worth bringing back. It is the mentality that as women, we are all in this thing called life TOGETHER - not pitted against one another. It is the notion that we are all sisters and should be building each other up, not tearing each other apart.

Yesterday, I said this, "Together as a sisterhood of girls we can lift each other up and bring out each other's inner strengths and beauty." After I said it, I immediately felt the need to elaborate because the whole day was about what the media feeds us and how much of it is LIES.

Mean girls are promoted on TV as strong. They are always the popular girls. The head cheerleader who is dating the quarterback. She is the one all her cronies strive to be like.

It is easy to decide you like the POWER that comes along with making someone feel bad. Some personalities find this kind of power addicting. It only takes one time to crush someone with your words. And for some girls, whether you like to admit it or not, it feels good. The automatically feel bigger and better. Before they know it, they are just what the media created them to be.

The sad part is, they have been deceived. There is NO power in acting like this.

True GIRL POWER is working together as a sisterhood of girls by lifting each other up and bring out each other's inner strengths and beauty.

 

This is how we strengthen our wings so we can fly!

The most painful thing for me to see is the attack mode some girls jump into as soon as they feel they have been wronged. Suddenly the girl you divulged your deepest secrets to has now decided that something you did warrants her gathering some other girls from your circle, telling them HER side of the story and creating an opposing team. Girls! This is NOT how it works! These actions show your immaturity, NOT your strength. These actions have ramifications you are NOT ready for. These actions turn you into a MEAN GIRL! Is that the label you want?

One of my favorite quotes is, "Be the friend you would want to have!"

It's HARDER to stick it out with a friend through the tough times. It's HARDER to say, "I was wrong and I am sorry."

There's no POWER in being mean. Anyone can be a MEAN GIRL! It doesn't take much. A bad attitude and a gutter mouth.

But there is STRENGTH in being a SISTER!

This week's journal exercise is for you to decide if you are a MEAN GIRL or a TRUE SISTER?

Pretend you are one of your friends... and write a letter to YOU from HER shoes about the kind of friend you are. What this letter is lacking will be your clues as to the character traits you need to work on.

Character Choices... it's Journal Entry Friday!

In yesterday's post I talked about CHARACTER and I gave you a whole list of character traits that are good to have. Some come naturally and some we need to work on. What comes naturally to your BFF may be something that is difficult for you. It doesn't mean she is a better person than you, it simply has to do with the way you are wired.

But these differences can cause drama within a group of friends.

We are all different. No two people are identical (even twins) and that's the glorious truth that makes the world go round. Think of how boring it would be if EVERYONE was exactly the same. If everyone had the same laugh, the same fears, the same annoying habits... B-O-R-I-N-G!!!

So, for today's journal entry I want you to "analyze" your group of friends using the list of character traits. Maybe one of your friends is so sensitive, that she gets upset at every little thing. She's one of those people who can't watch the news or she will have nightmares, you can't tell her the latest gossip because it will have her ranting about the rights of other people.....

According to the list of traits I posted yesterday, your friend is blessed with the gift of COMPASSION which means, investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others.

This is a priceless trait to have and to share with others. You would WANT your friend's compassion when you slip up and make her angry. Her compassion would shine through her anger and she would want to get to the bottom of why you did what you did so the two of you could get past it and heal - this, in turn, would strengthen your friendship.

So, your assignment -

1. Print the page below and jot down a list of all of your friends.
2. Assign a character trait that is specifically tied to each girl
3. Write the words PRO and CON under that trait
4. Make a list next to CON of the things that ANNOY you about this trait in your friend
5. Make a list next to PRO of the GOOD things that come out of this trait

Your lists should look something like this:

Lilly
Diligence
(Investing my time and energy to complete each task assigned to me)
Con - it takes he sooooo long to get anything done
Pro - she is really good at alot of things b/c she is so careful about details

Once you identify the GOOD that can come out of the trait that might bother you the most, it is less likely to bother you and you might soon find yourself modeling similar behavior in an attempt to better yourself!!

Now, get to it!
See what you can do with this journal entry to better your friendships!

You've got CHARACTER!

So much advice is given to teens and some of that advice isn't necessarily over your head but it is out of your reach simply because you haven't been given the tools to do what the advice is suggesting.

People tell teens, "Be yourself."

But the mixed messages of the media confuse you and most of you are probably not even sure WHO you are. Your brains and bodies are still developing, you are getting comfortable (or trying to) within your own skin and now you are supposed to figure out WHO "yourself" is?

This is a tough assignment.

I thought today we would take a look at CHARACTER TRAITS. Some of these traits come naturally and some we have to practice to become good at them. But they are all worth the effort. If you see a trait and you think, "Wow! That is totally me!" Then you are starting to identify WHO you are.

WHO you were created to be starts with those traits that come naturally.

We can't all be good at EVERY one and some can feel just plain out of our reach but these are good goals to set and good traits to be aware of.

Now grab a piece of paper...

• make a list of the ones that come natural to you
• jot down the ones you want to try harder to achieve

Post this slip of paper on your mirror and be aware of when you can practice using each one! Stay true to the ones you have chosen - in EVERY situation! Don't let WHO is looking or WHO is listening change the way you react to someone/something.

Stay TRUE to your character in ALL situations - this is called INTEGRITY!

This list was made available through Character-Training.com:

Alertness – Being aware of what is taking place around me so I can have the right responses.
Attentiveness – Showing the worth of a person or task by giving my undivided concentration.
Availability – Making my own schedule and priorities secondary to the wishes of those I serve.
Benevolence – Giving to others basic needs without having as my motive personal reward.
Boldness – Confidence that what I have to say or do is true, right, and just.
Cautiousness – Knowing how important right timing is in accomplishing right actions.
Compassion – Investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others.
Contentment – Realizing that true happiness does not depend on material conditions.
Creativity – Approaching a need, a task, or an idea from a new perspective.
Decisiveness – The ability to recognize key factors and finalize difficult decisions.
Deference – Limiting my freedom so I do not offend the tastes of those around me.
Dependability – Fulfilling what I consented to do, even if it means unexpected sacrifice.
Determination – Purposing to accomplish right goals at the right time, regardless of the opposition.
Diligence – Investing my time and energy to complete each task assigned to me.
Discernment – Understanding the deeper reasons why things happen.
Discretion – Recognizing and avoiding words, actions, and attitudes that could bring undesirable consequences.
Endurance – The inward strength to withstand stress and do my best.
Enthusiasm – Expressing joy in each task as I give it my best effort.
Faith – Confidence that actions rooted in good character will yield the best outcome, even when I cannot see how.
Flexibility – Willingness to change plans or ideas according to the direction of my authorities.
Forgiveness – Clearing the record of those who have wronged me and not holding a grudge.
Generosity – Carefully managing my resources so I can freely give to those in need.
Gentleness – Showing consideration and personal concern for others.
Gratefulness – Letting others know by my words and actions how they have benefited my life.
Honor – Respecting those in leadership because of the higher authorities they represent.
Hospitality – Cheerfully sharing food, shelter, or conversation to benefit others.
Humility – Acknowledging that achievement results from the investment of others in my life.
Initiative – Recognizing and doing what needs to be done before I am asked to do it.
Joyfulness – Maintaining a good attitude, even when faced with unpleasant conditions.
Justice – Taking personal responsibility to uphold what is pure, right, and true.
Loyalty – Using difficult times to demonstrate my commitment to those I serve.
Meekness – Yielding my personal rights and expectations with a desire to serve.
Obedience – Quickly and cheerfully carrying out the direction of those who are responsible for me.
Orderliness – Arranging myself and my surroundings to achieve greater efficiency.
Patience – Accepting a difficult situation without giving a deadline to remove it.
Persuasiveness – Guiding vital truths around another’s mental roadblocks.
Punctuality – Showing esteem for others by doing the right thing at the right time.
Resourcefulness – Finding practical uses for that which others would overlook or discard.
Responsibility – Knowing and doing what is expected of me.
Security – Structuring my life around that which cannot be destroyed or taken away.
Self-Control – Rejecting wrong desires and doing what is right.
Sensitivity – Perceiving the true attitudes and emotions of those around me.
Sincerity – Eagerness to do what is right with transparent motives.
Thoroughness – Knowing what factors will diminish the effectiveness of my work or words if neglected.
Thriftiness – Allowing myself and others to spend only what is necessary.
Tolerance – Realizing that everyone is at varying levels of character development.
Truthfulness – Earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts.
Virtue – The moral excellence evident in my life as I consistently do what is right.
Wisdom – Seeing and responding to life situations from a perspective that transcends my current circumstances.

I would love to hear your comments on the process you used for making your list and what you learned about yourself as you chose the traits that come naturally to you. Leave your comments!!

Dear ME.... it's Journal Entry Friday!

Hey girls!
Grab your journals or print out the sheet below and let's get started!

Today's journal exercise is quite simple but at the same time, quite moving and powerful.

I recently heard a story about a woman on her wedding day who was presenting her husband with a letter she had written to him before she even knew him. She wrote the letter to a man she hadn't even met yet when she was a teenager taking an oath to remain pure for her husband. She commented that when she struggled with her values and was tempted to give in and take back that oath, she remembered that letter that was in her top drawer awaiting the man of her dreams. Because those words were written, because she could put her hands on them and re-read them at any moment, she would take a deep breath and make the right choice. And as she handed that letter to her husband on their wedding day, she was elated that she had kept that promise to herself, to God and to the man she would share something beautiful with on their wedding night.

This story brings me to tears every time I talk about it. How beautiful.

This brings me to our journal exercise. But I am going to change it up a little. I want you to write a letter to yourself. Something you will hold onto and know where it is at any moment. Something that will give you strength in times when you can't seem to find the strength within you. Something that will give you hope when everything coming at you looks bleak.

I want you to imagine you are grown and you are writing to yourself at the age you are now. This will be a thank you letter of sorts, thanking yourself for staying true to who you are and not selling out to be popular. This will be where you dream about WHO you want to become and what you want to be TO OTHER people as you grow up. What will others think of when they hear your name?

Now, imagine you are sitting on your bed. You have just returned from the best date ever. Your dream man has asked you to marry him and he told you everything he loves about WHO you are and WHAT you stand for. What do you imagine he said?

Write this letter as though you are that newly engaged young lady and you are thanking your younger self for all she did to stay true to who she was. What would this letter say?

"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything"

Dear Me....

Fold your letter up, put it somewhere that you can put your hands on it at any moment. Use it like an old friend. Consult this letter when you have to make a life decision. It will give you strength to get through some tough decisions and it will be something you will treasure when you truly ARE sitting on that bed looking at the amazing diamond "he" just placed on your finger.

If YOU were in the DICTIONARY... it's Journal Entry Friday!

Yesterday I posed the question,
"If YOU were in a dictionary, what would you WANT your definition to be?"

Jay McGraw (Dr. Phil's son) says, "You have to name it, before you can claim it." You can't go through life not knowing what you stand for. There's a famous quote that says, "If you don't know what you stand for, you will fall for anything."

I have talked to so many girls over the years who tell me about a boy taking advantage of them physically. They tell me the boy just kept saying, "Shhh, it's ok." They tell me they just weren't comfortable saying, "No!" In all cases these girls feel like something has been stolen from them. There is no doubt in their minds that those boys were wrong in what they did. They don't doubt that giving themselves (even parts of themselves) away was a mistake they will deal with for the rest of their lives. So, why did they let it happen?

I believe these things happen because we don't lay down CONCRETE boundaries in our lives. Girls as young as 2 and 3 are taught about inappropriate touching and what to do if it happens. But when you girls grow up, you get to a point in your lives where your mom can't determine your boundaries anymore. You need to OWN your decisions about what DEFINES you. YOU have this responsibility but all too often no one tells you that. Then you get into a situation with a boy or a mean girl pressuring you to do something you believe to be wrong and because you don't STAND for anything you FALL for their lies.

I am going to tell you a story from when I was 19.

I spent my high school years being the "goody two shoes." Some people made fun of me but mostly it was the girls who weren't as virtuous as I was and I just read into it that they were jealous that I was strong enough to say "no" to many things I was confronted with. I wasn't an outcast, I was a cheerleader, I dated the star basketball player on and off for 3 years. I was active in clubs and activities in school, I was in the Show Choir (which wasn't as drama-filled as GLEE!) So it wasn't my lack of popularity that made me a target, it was simply my choices and how OTHER people felt about them....as if I was wearing shirts that said, "I am better than you because I don't.... or .... or...."

When I went to college, I dated a boy that was my first experience with a "bad boy" so these boundaries I had set for myself were truly tested. I hadn't had anyone ask me, "What DEFINES you?" or "What are your personal concrete boundaries?" I was TOLD by my mom what the answers to those questions were. But, being in this not-so-healthy relationship helped me make those answers MY OWN.

One day I realized that when you have DEFINED BOUNDARIES, people can just sense it. When your boundaries are obvious by what you say, do and how you act...you don't deal with alot of what other girls your age do when it comes to peer pressure.

My boyfriend and I were at a party at his friend Rob's house. Unbeknownst to me, Rob was the biggest pig on the planet. At one point in the party a couple girls I didn't know came up to me and said, "We aren't sure what is going on but ever since you got here, Rob has been on his best behavior." I had no idea what they were talking about, I had never met the kid before so I had nothing to compare it to. On the way home that night, my boyfriend said, "Ya know, Rob really respects you. He didn't swear once or tell a dirty joke or be a pig once. It's like he KNEW you were a 'good girl'. I didn't think Rob had a decent bone in his body."

It was then that I realized that living my life the way I did, was SHOWING people what I would and would not accept from them. I didn't have to have a toe-to-toe confrontation with Rob to tell him my feelings about his foul mouth...he just behaved himself b/c it's what I EXPECTED. It was my DEFINITION.

"If YOU were in a dictionary, what would you WANT your definition to be?"

Now, I will tell you that staying together with this 'bad boy' led me down some roads where I stepped across my own boundaries enough times that what I had worked to build for those 19 years, fell and I had to rebuild portions of it again. So, I can see this situation from more that one side. I know what it's like to fall. But I know how much easier it is to get up if you BELIEVE in your own DEFINITION!

Use the following journal page to hash out your own PERSONAL DEFINITION. What will you demand from those around you? Respect, appropriate behaviors, drug-free friends, no bullying, no foul jokes, etc.....

Write your name as the word being DEFINED, then follow it with the definition...."a person who expects ........... a person who doesn't......... a person who won't tolerate............ a person who will always...................." Add more if you like.

The choices you make DEFINE who you are...

When you don't know what a word means where do you go? When I was a teen, we opened a big fat book otherwise known as the DICTIONARY. Most of you reading this probably "have an app for that" or simply plug in 'dictionary.com' on your laptop.

We use a dictionary to DEFINE words  to help us understand their meaning. So, if I said,
"The choices you make DEFINE who you are" how would you feel about that?

I have spent almost my entire adult life mentoring and unofficially counselling young girls on issues that define who they are (or who they think they are).

Girls like you struggle with body image, the longing to fit in, best friend drama, gossip and rumors, boys, sex, depression, cutting, alcohol and drugs and abuse at the hands of friends and family.

All of the decisions you make are weighted in one or more of the things I listed above.

Will you defy your parents and go to that party? Depends on what your bestfriend wants you to do.

Will you try a cigarette? Depends on if the 'populars' are watching.

Will you let a boy's hands roam into territory that makes your stomach sick? Depends on how badly you want him to like you.

Are you willing to risk changing the course of your life based on what your bestfriend, the populars or a boy think? When your choices pull you into a deep hole that you can't climb out of, where will that best friend, those populars and that boy be? They will have moved on.

You will have let their input on YOUR life help to DEFINE the course of your life.

If you look up the word DEFINE, you will read the following:

to explain or identify the qualities of something

to determine the boundaries of something

to make clear the outline or form of

 

Let's start thinking about the things that DEFINE you...

Grab a piece of paper and answer the following questions without considering what anyone else will think of your answers. You are the only one who will see this.

 

What are a few things that interest you?

What are you good at?

What healthy things do you enjoy doing?

What world/local issues would you like to see improved?

What are your dreams for the future?

 

Look at the answers on your list and think of the decisions you have been making in your life with friends or boys. Do they line up? Do the things that truly DEFINE YOU match up with the behaviors you are showing?

 

Let's try something else - we are going to DEFINE some words.

 

Click on the following words to see their definitions:

Friend

Treasure

Virtue

 

Now, I want you to think about these three words and write YOUR DEFINITION. If YOU were in a dictionary, what would you WANT your definition to be?

 

Put this paper you have been using somewhere that you can put your hands on it whenever you need to connect with that DEFINITION again. When you need some strength to make the right choice, check out YOUR DEFINITION. It won't be easy to stay on  the straight and narrow but having thought this through...it will help you weed out the bad influences in your life and stay true to YOU!

 

Friday's Journal Exercise will follow along with this theme of WHO defines YOU!

 

We will miss you Danielle...

The Butterfly Girlz are mourning the loss of one of their own.

Danielle DeLarso, 17 earned her angel wings Satuday morning after a 10 month battle with Clear Cell Sarcoma.

Danielle was an amazing athlete, playing on ALL STAR teams and getting recruiting letters from colleges when she came down with what doctors thought was a case of pneumonia. When the symptoms did not go away with antibiotics they did further testing and found a mass in her chest and even after chemotherapy the cancer spread.

The DeLarso family is currently in need of financial help to cover the mountains of medical bills incurred over the last year. Please go to THIS LINK and see the secure fundraising widget in the sidebar.

To read more about Danielle and her journey, visit THIS POST on my other blog.

Danielle's life mirrored a TRUE Butterfly Girl. She was someone who LIVED the character traits we strive for - Courage, Integrity, Assertiveness, Confidence and Restraint.

The following comments were made by students from Danielle's school and are a testimony to the lives she touched:

"The Pequea Valley class of 2012 will not be the same without Danielle. She has been an inspiration to me personally with her grace, dignity and selflessness. She will be in all of our thoughts as we walk the halls of PV. God bless you Danielle, we are all sad but glad that you are at peace and in a place where we all wish to end up."

"Danielle is was a student at my school. She was beautiful, talented, and selfless. Not many would have lasted as long as she did. The night sky will shine brighter now thanks to Danielle. We love you!"

"This girl is a fighter I go to her school I'm in her brothers class this past Saturday danielle passed away. She is a amazing girl and I wear her braclet with pride knowing that she will always be near."

"Danielle was an amazing girl and has changed our school forever. Today in her memory we all wore red it was really touching and just goes to show how wonderful she was and how much she had meant to us. I still can't believe she is gone and I hope and pray her family can get through this hard time. Pequea Valley will never be the same and she will be greatly missed."