Blindsided...

What happens when a situation completely knocks you off your feet?

What do you do?

Do you shut down?

Do you hate life?

Do you punish others for your own pain?

Well, I was blindsided this week. Information I was not expecting hit me like a ton of bricks. The wind was knocked out of me and I wanted to scream.

But I couldn't, I have a family... a husband and three kids as well as a couple hundred teen girls on facebook.... all who count on me to be available to them when they need me.

I couldn't shut down.

I can't run away.

I can't HATE everyone.

And I won't punish other people for my pain.

But, much of the way I dealt with (and am still dealing with) this situation is because I am an adult and I have learned to put others before myself. This is not something that comes natural to a teen so this is where you and I are different.

I think I can say this without offending you, because if you have been reading this blog long enough you know that teen girls are my passion, you are what I love.... but teen girls are typically VERY selfish!

For one minute I want you to put yourself in your mom's shoes and imagine what YOUR life would look like if she were selfish. Think of all the things she does for you, the things she gives up for you, the time she spends running you here and there, the places she takes you and your friends, etc.

Can you imagine what YOUR life would look like if she were selfish?

It has been a couple days since I was punched in the gut by this information I was not expecting. But my life can't stop - I can't be selfish. It takes too much time to be selfish. I had 23 girls in my house for a workshop on Sunday and friends and parties to have and take my children to over the last couple days. As an adult, I can take a troubling situation and put it away for a bit so I can still enjoy the life that will continue to go on around me. I have to or I would crumble. But this is a "talent" that comes with practice. I couldn't always do this. No one TAUGHT me this - it was just something that I had to learn on my own - it's my own special way of coping.

I don't keep the situation in the back of my mind forever - these kinds of things need to be dealt with or they will fester and eat away at every part of your life. But I am the one who chooses when I take it out to deal with it. For me, that usually means when my kids are in bed and my husband and I have some quiet time - then I let it all out and start processing it.

As a teen, you need to start realizing that the NEXT stage in your life is adulthood so you need to practice a little. Right? Practicing is what makes us good at something. You need to practice what does not come naturally.

You also need a plan. You need to know what you need to do to start healing. Is there someone you need to separate yourself from? Is there someone you need to vent to about their actions? Do you need to ask for forgiveness? Do you need to confess something?

When you are blindsided, like I was this week, you need to do the following things:

• give yourself some space to take in the information/situation
• journal all your thoughts and feelings - write it ALL down - yes, ALL OF IT!
• realize that there is a process of healing and get ready for some ups and downs and you deal with the hurt
• practice turning OFF the situation in your mind and enjoy life moment by moment
• make sure you give yourself some quiet time EVERY day to write/cry/talk about the situation
• talk to an adult so they can help you prioritize your plan

Being blindsided STINKS!
It's awful and you wanna just crawl into a ball and die.
I know!
I have been there.

But there is hope - and that HOPE starts with YOU!

This Weekend's Butterfly Girlz Workshop

We had a blast this weekend talking about SCRIPTING YOUR OWN BOUNDARIES (one of the many workshops I offer). This event was exclusively for my Advisory Team that I lovingly call The Butterfly Girlz. We walked the red carpet, untangled human knots, giggled at a skit, listened to awesome music, made butterfly charm bracelets, got to know other team members from other states, did a couple journal entries and chatted ALOT about boundaries and how to make sure ours are CONCRETE!

Enjoy the photos! These girls sure enjoyed the day!

The workshops that are open to the public are called "gatherings" after our facebook page for TEEN GIRLS called "the gathering." If you are interested in having a workshop for your teen girl group please contact me at mybutterflygirlz@yahoo.com

Cleaning up Life's Little Messes... it's Journal Entry Friday!

(No, this is not my house!)

There is nothing more frustrating than the messes that crop up just when everything is running smoothly, right? You are out of school for summer... sleeping in every morning, no more homework, no more tests and WHAM someone hits you broadside with a nasty rumor they heard about you!

Summer vacation is supposed to be trouble-free, right? At least that's what we tell ourselves when we are falling asleep during our math final. As we nod off while trying to find what "x" is, we dream of sandy beaches, pool parties, summer romances, girly sleepovers and .... never do we leave room in that dream for drama!

So, whether it is a family struggle, a health issue, a pending move or just plain GIRL DRAMA you feel like you are boxed in with no where to go. No out. Not big red flashing EXIT sign. And you're sinking fast.

So, what do you do with the mess?

I found it coincidental that the picture I found to illustrate the idea of a "mess" had a bottle of RESOLVE sitting in the foreground.

re·solve  [ri-zolv] –noun

1. a resolution or determination made, as to follow some course of action.

So, a plan.... you need a plan.

Now, I am SO not an organized person but my husband is... when my life seems like it is going in 1,000,000 different directions, like today, he reminds me to make a plan. If I lay out my day on a piece of paper in an orderly way- it makes it much easier to deal with...

• places I need to go
• things I need to buy
• what I need to clean/straighten in the house
• what is coming tomorrow that I need to be prepared for

Now, you are thinking, "Well, it would be nice if my life's mess was like my room and I could sweep "the mess" under the bed and call it done."

But what I am suggesting is that you lay out your "mess" on paper in a sensible way:

• people I need to confront
• situations I need to handle
• friends I need to apologize to
• things I need to confess to someone
• issues I need to talk over with someone
• help I need to seek out

Now, you may end up with a huge graphic that looks like a spiderweb on crack - but it's all there and now you have a plan. Won't it feel good when you can cross some of those things off?

Now, when you make this list on the journal page I am providing below (just click on it, save and print) make sure you are NOT including things on the list that are not in your control. Keep your list focused on the difference YOU can make in your own "mess." Don't add to your list things that your friends are dealing with, "Help Becca get a boyfriend" should not be on your list - be SELFISH with this list.

Start cleaning up your OWN mess. You will find that as you create this list, a weight will soon be lifted. It will look like a map of how to get out of your "mess."

Good luck!
Leave a comment if you have questions about how to make your list.

What is a Butterfly Girl?

In the begining of The Butterfly Girlz project, it wasn't called The Butterfly Girlz! When I was brainstorming what I wanted the basis for this ministry to be, I looked at alot of things. I looked at what was causing the most pain in the schools that I had access to through volunteering. I looked at the issues and quandries my own teens were coming home with. And I looked at what was coming to light on the news.

What was causing teens so much grief. And I narrowed it down to one thing - RESPECT! So, I tried to figure out how to TEACH respect and I campe to the conclusion that if you can respect your SELF, you will naturally respect others. So this notion for my ministry was born. The programs I wrote, taught and spoke for would have their basis in self-respect.

So now I had to think of an easy way to describe something that you can not see. What does self-respect look like? While trying to think of a visual for self-respect I came up with The Legend of The Butterfly Girlz to describe HOW we hold onto and nurture our own self-respect which inturn will affect how you treat others. My hope is that this program will blossom and have a domino affect so that in the near future there will be more news stories about the GOOD that teens do and not the tragedy that they inflict upon themselves.

Here is what I give the girls that come to my workshops. The one I hand out is the perfect size for the inside of a locker door and will hopefully give them the strength they need when their self-respect is challenged during their day.

What is a

Butterfly Girl?

She’s a girl who knows her flaws but celebrates her strengths

She’s a girl who loves life enough to strive to make it grand

She’s a girl whose self-respect shines in her words and actions

She’s a girl who wants to share her spirit with everyone around her

Please feel free to copy and paste this or print and hand out - I just ask that you give this blog and my program some props when you do it.

Thanks girls!

Friendship Pie - it's Journal Entry Friday

Over on "the gathering" we have been talking a lot about what makes a good friend. We have been discussing what qualities and characteristics will create a lasting friendship.

Some of the following were listed as qualities we should be looking for:

• good sense of humor
• kindness
• sincerity
• caring
• trustworthy
• likes you for you

These are really great qualities that our friendships would all benefit from.

Think about your BFF...

• what qualities does she have that makes her your BFF?
• what qualities do you wish she had that would make your relationship even better?

I have to say, much of what we talk about over on "the gathering" is rooted in girl drama...

• girl dates her BFFs ex
• girl tells BFFs secret
• girl talks badly about BFF when she's not around

All of these things are NOT acceptable in a TRUE BFF relationship. BUT.... and this is a big but (LOL)... you are all still learning what INTEGRITY is. Do you know what that word means?

INTEGRITY is a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions.

Basically this means you act and react in the same way to the same situations no matter WHO you are with. So, if you have a problem with something someone is doing, you talk about it in the same way whether she is standing right there or NOT. Wouldn't it be nice to have THAT in your relationship? Do you see how trust is built easily with someone who has unfailing integrity?

Alright, today for your journal exercise, you will be splitting the pie chart above into your PERFECT recipe for a best friend. Print it out and then divide it accordingly. If 'being trustworthy' is a BIG part of what you want, then draw that slice bigger than the rest and label it. If 'sense of humor' is important but not as big as 'being trustworthy' then draw that slice accordingly and label it.

Then ~ after you have completed this exercise, AND NOT BEFORE, scroll down to the bottom of this post for PART 2.

Don't PEEK!
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Take a close look at your completed pie...
and then...

BE the FRIEND you want to HAVE!

<3
Let this RECIPE be your guide to finding the best BFF, but let it ALSO show you the kind of friend to BE!

Healthy Eating Tips for Summer

Ahhhhhh, it's summertime! The image of pasta salad, corn on the cob and watermelon is a beautiful testament to what summer is in our minds. Picnics, family gatherings, camp-outs and parties! Fun for everyone.

But what also comes with having less of a schedule is unhealthy eating habits rearing their ugly heads so I wanted to give you some tips that will keep you feeling your best throughout your break from school. Come September you can re-enter the halls looking vibrant because of all of your healthy choices!

HEALTH is not about being stick skinny like the models and movie stars. Quite honestly, because their jobs put so much effort on their weight and their shape, most of them are ridiculously UNhealthy. They skip meals, take pills and exercise incessantly to keep those numbers on  the scale down. That's not healthy.

As a growing teen, unhealthy habits can impede your development. Your brain as well as your body can suffer. Your job is to do what you can so your body is in tip top working order which will help to promote brain development, bone density, strong muscles and all day energy.

Here are some healthy tips I got from a Healthy Eating page on YoungWomensHealth.org:

1. Don't skip meals - plan meals and snacks ahead of time.
   • Believe it or not, eating 3 meals with snacks in between is the best way to maintain your energy and a healthy weight. You are more likely to choose foods that are not as healthy when you skip meals and are over-hungry.
   • Eat breakfast. 20% of teens skip breakfast, which makes them more likely to over-eat later in the day.
   • Eating away from home? Don't leave yourself stranded—take foods with you or know where you can go to buy something healthy and satisfying.
2. Learn about simple, healthy ways to prepare foods.
   • Try healthier ways to cook foods such as grilling, stir-frying, microwaving, baking, and boiling instead of deep frying.
   • Try fresh or dried herbs (basil, oregano, parsley) and spices (lemon pepper, chili powder, garlic powder) to flavor your food instead of adding less healthy toppings such as butter, margarine, or gravy.
   • Trim the skin and fat off of your meat—you'll still get plenty of flavor and it's more nutritious.
3. Sugar - avoid getting too much.
   • Sugary drinks are a big source of empty energy. This means that they contain a lot of energy (in the form of calories) that your body may not need, and they don't have vitamins, minerals, protein, or even fiber. Try diet sodas, sugar-free drink mixes, water, and flavored waters instead of regular drinks or juice. Even “natural” unsweetened juices contain a lot of energy you may not need. Don't go overboard—if you are going to drink regular soda or juice, try to limit the amount you drink to 4-8 ounces, one time per day.
   • Lots of sugar is also found in desserts such as cakes, cookies, and candies. It's okay to enjoy these foods once in a while as long as they don't replace healthier foods.
4. Be mindful when eating
   • Slow down when you eat. Try to relax and pace yourself so that your meals last at least 20 minutes, since it takes 20 minutes for you to feel full.
   • Listen to your body. Eating when you are hungry and stopping when you are full will help your body balance its energy needs and stay comfortable. Ask yourself: Am I eating because I'm hungry, or because I'm stressed or bored?
   • Try fiber rich foods, such as whole grains, vegetables, and fruits so you feel comfortably full.
5. Avoid “diet thinking.”
   • There are no good foods or bad foods. All foods can be part of healthy eating, when eaten in moderation.
   • You do not need to buy low carb, fat-free, or diet foods. These foods are not necessarily lower in calories—they usually have lots of other added ingredients to replace the carbs or fat.
   • YOU are more important than your weight or body size—believe it! Your health and happiness can be hurt by drastic weight loss plans. If you have not yet reached your adult height, rapid weight loss could interfere with your growth. Instead of trying extreme approaches, focus on making small lifestyle changes that you can stick with for life. This approach will leave you feeling healthier and happier in the long run.
Here's to YOU and here's to a HAPPY HEALTHY SUMMER!

Can someone pass the corn on the cob?

Teen Girl SUMMER Reading List



I have created the MOTHERLOAD LIST of summer reading for girls! Most of these books I have read myself and the rest come by recommendation from my TEEN BOOK Guru, my daughter Emily. I would love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to write your own reviews or give your opinions on other choices for a SUMMER READING LIST!

As if it isn’t bad enough to have cancer, practically every time we pick up a book or hear about a character in a movie who gets sick, we know they’ll be dead by the last scene. In reality, kids get all kinds of cancers, go through unspeakable torture and painful treatments, but walk away, fine in the end. Isabelle, not quite 15, is living a normal life of fighting with her younger brother, being disgusted with her parents, and hoping to be noticed by a cute guy. Everything changes in an instant when she is diagnosed with lymphoma—and even her best friend, Kay, thinks Izzy is going to die. But she doesn’t, and her humor—sardonic, sharp, astute—makes reading this book accessible and actually enjoyable.

Abandoned at birth, Hollis Woods has lived in about a half dozen homes and has always wished for a family. A foster caretaker describes her as "a mountain of trouble." When Josie Cahill, a retired art teacher, takes the 12-year-old into her home on Long Island, NY, the two bond almost immediately. Hollis draws pictures with colored pencils and Josie carves branches into people. However, it soon becomes clear that Josie has trouble remembering things, and Hollis becomes the caregiver. When she stops attending school, a social worker comes by to investigate. Flashbacks slowly illuminate Hollis's life with one family who had hoped to adopt her and why this didn't happen. Giff masterfully weaves these two strands together in a surprising and satisfying ending. (From the School Library Journal)

After Emily's aunt dies, Emily learns that everything she has always believed is a lie, and her world crumbles. Forced to face the fact that her mother is not who she thought she was, Emily tries to find the truth about her past and make sense of her future. Turning to graffiti and vandalism as a way to deal with her anger, she comes to realize that there is more to a family than shared DNA.

All Y'Tin, 13, ever wanted was to be an elephant trainer, and when he was 11, he became the youngest handler ever in his village. His life revolves around Lady and the other elephants in their small herd. But this is Vietnam in 1975 and the North Vietnamese are a threat to the Dega people of the Central Highlands now that the American forces are gone. The feared attack comes and half the village, including Y'Tin, is captured. He witnesses the murder of a fellow elephant keeper and, when he is ordered to help dig a mass grave, he knows escape is his only hope. When the chance comes, he and his friend Y'Juen slip into the jungle. They manage to find Lady and the other elephants, but the stress, fear, and anxiety about the war never leave Y'Tin. Even when he is reunited with his family, he cannot let go of the constant strain and despair for the future. When he is sent into the jungle to track down a lost Y'Juen, he spends a desperate night in fear. At this point, he decides the best thing is to try and make it to Thailand to find his future as an elephant trainer. Like a child in any war, Y'Tin has to cope with a situation that he doesn't understand, one that has completely overturned his life. (From the School Library Journal)

Since the beginning of the school year, high school freshman Melinda has found that it's been getting harder and harder for her to speak out loud: "My throat is always sore, my lips raw.... Every time I try to talk to my parents or a teacher, I sputter or freeze.... It's like I have some kind of spastic laryngitis." What could have caused Melinda to suddenly fall mute? Could it be due to the fact that no one at school is speaking to her because she called the cops and got everyone busted at the seniors' big end-of-summer party? Or maybe it's because her parents' only form of communication is Post-It notes written on their way out the door to their nine-to-whenever jobs. While Melinda is bothered by these things, deep down she knows the real reason why she's been struck mute... Laurie Halse Anderson's first novel is a stunning and sympathetic tribute to the teenage outcast. The triumphant ending, in which Melinda finds her voice, is cause for cheering (while many readers might also shed a tear or two). After reading Speak, it will be hard for any teen to look at the class scapegoat again without a measure of compassion and understanding for that person--who may be screaming beneath the silence. (Amazon review)

Overwhelmed by wave after wave of emotional trauma, Kristen Anderson no longer wanted to live. One January night, determined to end her pain once and for all, the seventeen-year-old lay across train tracks not far from her home and waited to die.

Instead of peace, she found herself immersed in a whole new nightmare.

Before the engineer could bring the train to a stop, thirty-three freight cars passed over her at fifty-five miles per hour. After the train stopped and Kristen realized she was still alive, she looked around—and saw her legs ten feet away.

Surviving her suicide attempt but losing her legs launched Kristen into an even deeper battle with depression and suicidal thoughts, as well as unrelenting physical pain—all from the seat of a wheelchair. But in the midst of her darkest days, Kristen discovered the way to real life and a purpose for living.

For anyone struggling to find the strength to go on, the message of this heart-wrenching yet hope-building book is a clear and extraordinary reminder that even when we give up on life, God doesn’t give up on us. 

Ethan lives in a foster home, struggling to put his life on the right track. Involved in a photography program for at-risk kids, he finds himself threatened again and again by someone who wants his camera. What does Ethan know? And what is on his camera that someone is willing to kill for? Struggling to stay out of trouble and solve the mystery, he discovers he has all the answers. He just has to figure out the questions.

After losing her best friend, Ingrid, to suicide, Caitlin is completely immobilized. Unable to function, and refusing to visit a therapist, she begins the long journey to wellness alone. During this year of heart-wrenching, raw emotion, Caitlin finds Ingrid's journal, which not only reveals her descent into irreversible depression, but also serves as Caitlin's vehicle for renewed hope in the future. The book is written with honesty, revealing one's pain after the loss of a loved one. Caitlin learns, with the help of new friends and her parents, that there is life after Ingrid. (School Library Journal)

The last normal moment that Mia, a talented cellist, can remember is being in the car with her family. Then she is standing outside her body beside their mangled Buick and her parents' corpses, watching herself and her little brother being tended by paramedics. As she ponders her state (Am I dead? I actually have to ask myself this), Mia is whisked away to a hospital, where, her body in a coma, she reflects on the past and tries to decide whether to fight to live. Via Mia's thoughts and flashbacks, Forman (Sisters in Sanity) expertly explores the teenager's life, her passion for classical music and her strong relationships with her family, friends and boyfriend, Adam. Mia's singular perspective (which will recall Alice Sebold's adult novel, The Lovely Bones) also allows for powerful portraits of her friends and family as they cope: Please don't die. If you die, there's going to be one of those cheesy Princess Diana memorials at school, prays Mia's friend Kim. I know you'd hate that kind of thing. Intensely moving, the novel will force readers to take stock of their lives and the people and things that make them worth living. (Publisher's Weekly)

HAPPY READING!!

GOAL-setting for SUMMER!

So, the end of the school year is here... how are you going to spend your summer? Yeah, I know the typical answers because they are the same answers my kids will give me.... sleep in, go to the pool, hang out with friends and go to bed late!

AWESOME! After a long stressful school year we ALL need time to recharge our batteries, reconnect with our pillows and veg a little! ABSOLUTELY! But let's get a little deeper here... we all know that after a couple weeks of that you will get the, "I'm bored" feeling. However, you know better than  to say it outloud in front of your parents b/c they can certainly keep you from being bored... so then what? What do you do?

Start thinking about what you want to accomplish this summer. Maybe you want to challenge yourself in one of your passion areas - dance, music, singing. Maybe you want to try out for a Varsity team in the fall. Maybe you want to finish your whole summer reading list. Maybe you want to write a book.

Setting goals gives us a mission. Having a mission feels good and it helps us to focus.

When you get the I'M BORED feeling you can look at your list of goals and choose something to work on before "mom" senses that you need something to do and has you weeding the flower bed.

The trick is that your goals need to be attainable. Don't set goals such as "I WANT TO GRADUATE EARLY AND APPLY TO COLLEGES IN THE FALL" if you are in 8th grade... unless this is a truly attainable goal for you.

Martin Riesenberg, author of How to Stop Whining and Start Winning, has a super easy way to remember how to set goals... check out this visual to get you started:

Visual from BurrellesLuce

Specific:  Be unambiguous as to exactly what it is you want to achieve.
Measurable:  Reaching your goals is  a step-by-step process.  Be sure to assess your goals on a regular basis to see if they align with your objectives.
Attainable:  Make your goals realistic – like I explained to my son, don’t set your goals so high that you won’t reach them. You might even consider breaking larger goals down into more manageable and achievable chunks.
Relevant:  Does your goal have significance in your personal or professional life? In Business is it aligned with your overall business objective?
Time Frame:  When do you want to achieve your goal?  Write the date down on paper.

So, what will your goals be this summer?

I have one final suggestion that makes this idea/process even cooler! Talk to your girlfriends and have at least ONE of your goals be a common goal - something you do together. Maybe you decide to raise money for Childhood Cancer and hold your very own Alex's Lemonade Stand. Maybe you decide to volunteer at a local day care center or retirement community.

One great thing to put on your goals list for this summer is participating in JUST THE WAY SHE IS DAY! on July 20, 2011!

So, take a couple days to just veg.
Sleep in.
Stay up late.
But then get serious about how you will affect YOUR life and the life of those around you this summer!

Feel free to print out this page and start your very own Butterfly Girl Journal!

On-line safety is NO JOKE!

Three years ago, Aurora Eller (13) had a friend over and they hopped online and into a chat room that would ultimately change Aurora's life forever.

Your parents and/or teachers have talked to you about internet safety. Many of you have been online for years and not happened upon a creeper, but some of you have and that's what happened to 13 year old Aurora.

Aurora and her friend entered that video chat room and met a guy with whom they chatted with for awhile. This guy convinced the two girls to do some lewd things together for him to see. It took some convincing, but eventually they did it. One time. They told him that was it. They were done.

So, who did that hurt? No one saw it except that guy. The friends promised to keep the secret. So, no big deal, right?

WRONG!

The guy wouldn't let Aurora alone. He threatened her if she didn't keep up the X-rated videos for him, he would call her school, tell her parents and her life would be ruined. So, fearing the worst, Aurora kept up with the videos. Eventually the threats stopped and Aurora went on with her life keeping this big secret buried inside her. The secret was safe, no one would know.

Fast forward three years, Aurora is now 16. Last week the videos were anonymously turned over to the police. Aurora has been charged with two counts of child pornography, faces 5 years in prison and could possibly be registered as a sex offender which is a label that lasts a lifetime.

The man who threatened Aurora has not been found.

So, let's break this down a little.

Most 16 year olds are taking their driver's test, getting their first job, looking at colleges. Aurora is looking at PRISON for 5 years. She will not be able to finish school with her friends and applying to colleges won't be happening.

She will have to check "YES" on EVERY college and job application to the following questions:

• Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
• Have you ever been convicted of a crime against children?

Being registered as a sex offender lasts your entire life. This sentence means she will never be able to work with children - no babysitting, child care, teaching, working with kids in church, etc. It also means she will not legally be allowed to live NEAR places with high populations of children - near schools, day cares, etc. Her name will be listed on the websites that show where sex offenders live - and they list actual addresses.

All of this because of ONE POOR CHOICE!

Yes, Aurora is the victim here but because of the way the situation panned out, she becomes the one who is punished. Fair? No. But quite honestly, fair or not, it's what's happening to her and she can't take back what she did.

Girls! Listen up! In life there are no do-overs!
This is IT!

Use Aurora's lesson to help you remember to stay safe online. Don't put yourself in a position to fall into a situation that puts you in a corner.

Here are some safety tips:

• Don't friend people you don't know on any social networking sites (facebook, myspace, formspring)
• Make sure all your personal info is set on PRIVATE and cannot be viewed by people who aren't listed as your "friends"
• Don't ever accept an invite to video chat with someone you don't know - who knows what they want to "show" you
• Never give out personal information to anyone you are not PERSONALLY friends with
• Be careful WHAT you post on public forums - always re-read and be cautious of the "message" you are sending to strangers or possible perpetrators
• Don't EVER send compromising (nude, sexy) photos of yourself to ANYONE - NOTHING disappears online - ANYTHING that has ever been shared online is still there even if it has been deleted - it can still be accessed!
• THINK before you POST!!
• Don't assume this kind of thing CAN'T happen to you - that's when you let your guard down

BE SAFE GIRLS! You only get ONE shot at life - don't screw it up over something you got lazy with. Always be on guard, always be thinking one step ahead.

Peace.

Just the Way She Is Day... July 20, 2011 JOIN US!

I am organizing a NATIONWIDE event!
As a young woman you know the havoc the media can play on your self-esteem, this event is to spread the word that every girl is beautiful JUST THE WAY SHE IS!

Would you consider joining the event and registering a group? Would you SHARE this link on your facebook wall?

The only way to change the world is to SHARE the positive things that happen around it! This is one of those things!

Watch the video and register now!

L O V E - What is it?... it's Journal Entry Friday!

Hello my sweets!

Well, you can't be the mentor for teen girls for too long before this subject comes up:

It's just about as exciting as getting your first bra. Your first bra (and your first boyfriend) means you are growing up. You know you wanted one - everyone does...even if you can't admit it. Although you would probably rather shop for it alone...the shopping for it isn't as much fun as GETTING IT! But then what, things get twisted up a little. Other people notice this new thing and they start to talk. Drama rears its ugly head and soon you almost wish you hadn't admitted being ready for this....bra (oh wait, or were we talking about boys?)

Falling in love is supposed to be just like that...a little uncomfortable but so exciting on the inside you could explode. Your blood tingles as it runs through your veins, your breathing completely stops when he looks in your direction. Your palms get sweaty the moment you think he will reach for your hand. A jolt of electricity runs through your skin when you here the sound you have assigned only to his texts. And then other people have their say and words get twisted and you are SLAMMED with DRAMA. It's no fun.

So, what is love?

I have so many girls ask me this question. We talk about it on "the gathering" a lot. And this week it came up both on the wall and in private messages  so I thought this was something that warranted some journaling.

All of the physiological things that happen to your body when you like a  boy happen whether it is a crush or love. That excitement happens either way so you can't know right away if it is love or a crush.

The crush usually can't survive the drama...

The relationships that survive the drama, the gossip, the tragedies of love and find their bond STRONGER... that is probably more LOVE than CRUSH.

One of the girls on the gathering shared this and I loved it!

"Well define love...like cheesy middle school love that everyone thinks they're in...or that feeling I have inside me all the time that drives me insane with happiness? Is love being grateful for every second I get see him or talk to him? Knowing that my favorite thing about him is who he is inside, and not what he looks like or how good he is at this or that or because he compliments me? Is love that feeling I get when he smiles at me or looks at me? Or that feeling I get when you realize that this can't possible last forever but I want him to be happy with whoever he's with? Is it knowing he's my best friend and the one I can talk to anything about, joke around with, or tease? I've asked tons of people whether it's love or not but honestly....what is love?"

For your Friday journal, I want you to just make a WORD COLLAGE of all the things you feel when you are crushing on a boy. Cut words out of magazines, write them in, include images that maybe you can't give words to... be creative and work it out.

You'll know love when it comes... but it most likely the kind of love you are looking for won't come along for sometime. So, don't throw that word around too quickly. LOVE is a big thing and needs to be treated as such! Be careful!

Feel free to copy and print this journal page to use for this exercise.

GIRLS, we have to stick together...

I talk to so many girls each week who are being mistreated by their GIRLFRIENDS!

There is no doubt in my mind that your teen years will be some of the hardest years of your life. But if you can't depend on your girlfriends, who can you turn to when life gets rough?

You owe it to each other to have some guidelines and boundaries for your friendship! It can be a lifelong pact! TRUE friends can stand the test of times, but it is a WORKING relationship that sometimes has to be tweaked to suit the times.

Here are 10 rules for how to be secure in your GIRLFRIENDSHIPS!

1. Support each other - be her biggest cheerleader!
2. Tell her how you feel - in ALL WAYS!
3. NEVER tell her secrets - unless he life depends on it!
4. Help her to stay safe in her thoughts and actions but give her room to be an individual!
5. When she asks for your advice, give her YOUR advice, not what you think she wants to hear.
6. Be there...ALWAYS!
7. Don't choose your BOYFRIEND over your BEST FRIEND!
8. Don't talk about her behind her back. If you have something to say, say it to HER!
9. NEVER EVER date your BFFs ex! EVER!
10. ABOVE ALL ELSE, LOVE HER TIL IT HURTS!

Your girl friends are your lifeline!

If you have a friend that needs this list, pass it along.

Never let anyone disrespect you verbally, physically or through gossip. If your BFF is doing any of these hurtful things, it is time to redefine what you are looking for in a friend and it is time to reset your boundaries.

Boundaries aren't only for boyfriends!