Over on "the gathering" the conversation of BOYS and how to deal with them without being in a constant state of confusion is a HUGE topic that keeps repeating itself! Understanding them, their motives and their brains could quite honestly be the biggest puzzle that seems to never have all the pieces... but you know what? They think the same thing about US!
So, I thought this repetitive conversation warranted a post and some thoughts on how to live through your teenage years without deciding to swear off boys forever. Most of them really aren't bad guys ~ a little misguided at times but not BAD.
Guys want to know what's going on in your mind just as much as you want to know what's going on in theirs. So, what's one good way to solve this conundrum? TALK! Seems simple enough, right?
Most teens don't open up and talk about how they feel because they are afraid they are the only one who feels that way. Can you imagine how unlikely that is? The hundreds of millions of teens on the planet and YOU think YOU are the ONLY one who feels a certain way? This is completely irrational thinking.
Own what you feel! Make it known!
If you are not comfortable sharing how you feel with someone then you are not ready for a relationship. If the boy you like is not comfortable sharing with you how he feels then he is not ready for a relationship.
Here is the definition of
1. a connection, association, or involvement.
2. connection between persons
3. an emotional or other connection
I have seen teens in my classroom who are "dating" and they spend the entire classtime trying NOT to have to talk or look at each other. Can you explain this CONNECTION? There is NONE!
So, if you are in a relationship and you CAN talk to your boyfriend about how you feel and what your boundaries are, then there are some rules to follow that will make your relationship stronger because you will be setting up your boundaries so he doesn't have to wonder! This will cut down on the drama of most TEEN relationships!!
This is simple - there are only a few rules and they will change your life when it comes to boys!!
1. USE YOUR WORDS!
This is one of the first things we learn as toddlers. Instead of whacking your new friend with a bucket when he throws sand in your face, you say, "I don't like it. Please stop!" I don't know what changes between then and now but somewhere along the way girls feel as though they lose the right to speak their minds. We ALWAYS have the right to speak our minds when it comes to our personal boundaries.
*A boy grabs your butt as you walk down the hallway - "I don't like it. Please stop!"
*Your boyfriend pushes you further than the typical goodnight kiss - "I don't like it. Please stop!"
*The boy whose attention you are dying for tells you to lose some weight - "I don't like it. Please stop!"
This rule applies in almost every scenario that can break your spirit.
As long as you are not using your words to hurt someone, throw someone under the bus or cut someone down to make you feel better, this is always the way to go!
2. SAY "NO!" WHEN SOMETHING MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!
No one has the right to make you uncomfortable. My house growing up was a house with NO cursing. NO ONE in my family used foul language (with the exception of a slip here and there but it was not a regular occurrence) so hearing bad words made me very uncomfortable. Even as an adult there are certain words that make me cringe. During my MS and HS years I didn't hold back. When someone swore I was sure to let them know (not in a b*tchy way) that I was not OK with them using that kind of language in my presence. I demanded respect! By the time I graduated there was never an issue, people just didn't swear when they were around me b/c I had set that boundary. So whether it's a boy's roaming hands, someone sending you inappropriate pictures on your phone or bullying you via facebook - if it is making you uncomfortable you have the right to say "NO!"
3. IF HE WANTS YOU TO CHANGE, SAY "GOODBYE!"
You are beautiful JUST THE WAY YOU ARE and don't change for anyone! If you truly stay who you are and don't cave to what everyone ELSE says is popular, you will find the boy of your dreams! I promise! It may take a couple years b/c we all know that boys mature slower than girls so finding that boy that will treat you the way YOU deserve to be treated will happen when he is mature enough to know what he is doing when it comes to treating a girl right! If you find yourself in a situation that makes you feel like your own personal boundaries are being pushed b/c HE wants you to be someone else... say "Goodbye!" It will hurt for a minute but the strength that comes after the tears is WAY worth it!
4. IF HE HURTS YOU PHYSICALLY/EMOTIONALLY, WALK AWAY!
This is something I can't say enough. I know adults who still struggle with this. ANYONE who hurts you ON PURPOSE whether physically or emotionally does not deserve you. The biggest thing to remember is that it is easier to walk away after the FIRST time this happens than to allow it to happen until you feel powerless. Each time someone hurts you on purpose they steal a little bit of power from you. So, the more it happens the weaker you become. If they do it once... they will do it again. I have been married to my husband for 18 years and we were friends for years before that. He has NEVER... not even ONCE... called me a name or had to apologize for treating me badly - NOT ONE TIME! It is possible to have an amazing relationship where you truly are an equal part of the team, where no one belittles or scares the other person. Don't let it happen. And if it does - let it happen ONLY ONCE and WALK AWAY!
Girls! If you are strong enough to share your heart with someone, you need to be strong enough to stand up for WHO you are! You won't regret it! I promise!!
I welcome your comments!!