Courage Integrity Assertiveness Confidence Restraint

Friday, April 8, 2011

Circle Yes or No! - It's Journal Entry Friday

This week brought me the inside scoop on typical teen drama that some moms don't want to hear. But I want to hear it all. Nothing shocks me. I don't have that "GASP! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" reaction so my kids know they can come to me with anything and we chat it out calmly.

I have a large network of professionals that I speak to daily. Some are professional moms (btw - you HAVE to be professional to be a good mom!), some are in the schools everyday working as teachers, some are what I like to call professional teens - the ones that  take their life seriously enough to open up and talk about it.

This week the theme seemed to be BOYS!

Alright, when I was in school - yes, back when the dinosaurs roamed in the playground - boys started being interested in girls in 6th grade. Now when I say "interested" I just mean they one day woke up and thought, "Hey, wait, Michelle isn't a boy - woah - that means she's a ... oh, what are they called... duhhh ummm, oh yeah, she's a girl! A girl. Hmmm. I wonder what they do. I guess I better watch some of them a little closer to figure them out."

I am not bashing boys or insinuating that they are big oafs. It truly just happens that way for them. So, one day in 6th grade I got a note from a boy named David, asking if I would be his girlfriend. Now, David sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME so he could have just turned to me and said, "Hey, wanna be my girlfriend?" But, no, I got this crinkled, sweaty scrap of paper that looked a little like this:

OK, there are a couple things that should have bothered me about this note - first, my name is not "Michael" and if David really cared about me, I would have liked for him to at least make sure he knew how to spell my name.

Secondly, giving me the option to circle my answer meant we could potentially become a "couple" without even TALKING to one another. I don't even remember speaking to David before he asked me out.

Third, if this boy didn't know me well enough to even ask me a question, wouldn't he want to make sure he KNEW the girl he was asking out? If he really didn't care, why would I want to be his girlfriend? How would he treat me?

Now, I know notes aren't usually the "thing" these days, boys just ask their friends to ask the girl they like... or in some cases, the poor boy confides in his friends about the girl he likes and he gets ambushed! Before he knows it, his friends have taken it upon themselves to "set them up" and by the end of the day the girl has said "yes" to a question SHE believes came from the boy. Hearts will be breaking by the end of the week. This is not how to start your dating experiences.

Here's the way I look at it and I want you to think about approaching this situation this way, too...

If the boy does not have the nerve to personally ask you to be his girlfriend, he most likely won't have the decency to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. He will most likely just hold the right to say you are "his" - he very well may not talk to you at all... ever. You are a beautiful prize that comes in a precious package, you are worth waiting for. And if he needs to wait a couple month to get enough nerve to talk to you, then let him wait. Besides, wouldn't you want to get to know him before it becomes public that you like him enough to be his girlfriend? People will make assumptions about you BASED on the people you give your time to. Is he worth your time?

There is no rush to jump into a relationship with someone. I just talked to a boy yesterday who asked for advice because he thought he liked two different girls at the same time. He wasn't "going out" with anyone but he was killing himself over the fact that he couldn't decide who he liked more.

I told this boy that this was not a dilemma at all. Unless he was in a "Ask the girl you like the best out within 24 hours and win $1,000,000!" contest, there was NO rush to make that decision. Being single and "enjoying" the company of multiple girls is NOT a crime. He can be very good friends with many girls and do just that... be friends. He is learning what is attractive to him. He is learning what he is looking for by keeping his options open. He is saving everyone a lot of heartbreak by not pressuring himself to ask one of them out so he has the elusive title of "boyfriend."

It is the same for you girls, the best relationships start out as FRIENDSHIPS not sweaty note-writers.

Rewind back to 1982, soon after circling "yes" on David's note we started talking a little here and there. One afternoon as we passed in our spelling tests I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He quickly answered with,
"A garbage truck."

So, girls, today's journal exercise is for you to make a list of the qualities you would like in a boyfriend. Think of everything... (print the journal page below if you need one)

Do you want him to say "excuse me" when he burps? So, you want someone POLITE.
This of it all!

Now, look at the length of your list... do boys your age have most of these qualities? You are worth waiting for...use this journal exercise to focus on what your STANDARDS are! Now, write these words at the bottom of your list...

"Should I expect A LOT from the boy who wants to be my boyfriend? Circle Yes or No"

Comment below - let's talk some more about this in the comments!
As always email me @ if you want to speak privately about this or any other subject.

1 comment:

  1. This made me giggle.. I can't wait to do this journal exercise. You really can never hear too many times that you're worth waiting for <3